are you tired of waiting to bloom?

Spring is a time of rebirth and renewal.

In winter, plants and trees lie dormant. They may even appear dead.

But they are really just waiting.

One website I read about plant life said this: “Dormancy is waiting for next year, waiting for renewal, waiting for a fresh start.”

For the last four months I have been dormant. I didn’t plan to be.

At the beginning of 2017, I had a brand spankin’ new planner, exciting goals and I was ready to take the blogging and ministry world by storm!

A few weeks in, God began clearly saying, “Wait,” “Rest,” and “Refresh.”

He said “Wait” alot.

I sensed he wanted to do something new. I just wasn’t sure what.

All I really did know was that He wanted me to do less for Him, so I could spend more time with Him.

Distractions and planning were only going to prevent me from hearing His voice and sensing His direction. So I pulled back from social media, blogging and most of my plans.

And I waited. And waited. I searched and searched for answers. I prayed and begged Him to show me His plans and direction. Week after week, not much seemed to materialize. I would get a little clarity, but it was like looking through a cloudy window. It was maddeningly hazy.

Honestly, I became frustrated and impatient. “God, would you let me bloom already? I’m tired of being dormant!”

I looked at all these other “flowers” blooming everywhere and wondered why I seemed to be buried.

I began to take some online courses with well-known experts. I thought maybe they would help me find the clarity that I craved.

Their material was amazing. But it did little to give me direction. I felt like I was just stuck. Buried and motionless under the hard ground, unable to see daylight.

Finally, I heard His Holy Spirit speak to my heart: “Seek Me. Not a formula. Not direction. Not your goals. Not experts. Not conventional wisdom. Not your emotions. Not your dreams. All those things will disappoint you. I won’t.”

I looked for revelation of His plans so I could perform for Him. He wanted me to seek revelation of Himself so I could rest in Him.

It was a turning point.

The closer I’m growing to God, the more I seek Him — not a plan, not an outcome — the more clarity He’s giving me of who He is …. and about what’s next.

Suddenly, the growth and revelation that never seemed to come is pouring out so furiously that I can’t seem to write fast enough. But it’s not exhausting. It’s energizing.

I’m growing in my relationship with Him, in my view of Him, like never before.

I’ve discovered that’s what happens when we when we go to Him for relationship instead of results.

Little of what I originally had planned for 2017 remains.

He’s put new, crazy-sounding dreams in my heart. I don’t know when or how most of them are going to bloom. But I don’t have to. I just have to trust Him. He will cause them to grow in His time. I just have to take the next step He reveals.

This time is really a continuation of what God has been doing in my mind and heart over the past two years. He’s been challenging me to trust Him. Really trust Him.

Although it’s had lots of ups and downs and twists and turns, this journey has been more exciting, wonderful, freeing and fulfilling than anything I could have ever dreamed up.

And now, I’m finally blogging again, but my focus has changed a bit.

It’s better reflecting what He’s being doing in me. I’ll be talking a lot more about following and trusting and what that looks like. How do we do it? How do we push past fear, pride, discouragement, worry, overthinking and overcommitment to trust and follow Jesus? What amazing rewards wait for us on the other side? 

I’m learning the answer to those questions … one step at a time. As I do, He’s setting me free from paralysis, performance, exhaustion and anxiety.

I’m getting ready to bloom.