I’ve been writing my newest book for 20 years. I just didn’t know it.
Invisible Wounds: Hope While You’re Hurting explores the dark emotions and honest questions that we wrestle with as we experience seemingly unending pain and difficulty. The pain no one sees.
Our anguish is often compounded by the reality that we look fine.
No one can see our invisible wounds. We bleed in isolation.
I did. For far too long.
In this book, I relate parts of my own pain journey, as well as dig deep to find answers to the hard questions we’re often too afraid to ask.
Below is an excerpt from Invisible Wounds:
I think back to one of my favorite photos of my children.
Molly was three. Micah was nine months old. They look absolutely enchantingly adorable. Everyone’s smiling and looks happy.
It’s just the perfect photo—no easy feat with little ones. But let me share the story behind this “perfect” snapshot.
I had done all the right things to prepare for the child photography experience. They both had a nap, they’d been fed, and they were dressed in the required darling matching outfits.
I was golden.
We arrived at the mall. That’s when it got interesting.
I lifted my son Micah from his car seat just as he had a diaper blowout of legendary proportions. I used every baby wipe I had and he was still a poopy mess. I was so close to photo-taking victory I could smell it (unfortunately that’s not all I could smell).
So I wrapped him in a blanket and with my daughter in tow we high tailed it through the mall parking lot to find the nearest bathroom.
On the way, my daughter tripped and fell, ripping a hole in her white tights and scraping her knee. Time to throw in the towel? Nope. This newest setback only made me more determined.
In the bathroom, we made a tragic discovery: hand dryers—no paper towels. As my daughter handed me reams of toilet paper, I went to work cleaning up my son. We finally made it to the photo studio.
The result? Adorable.
My son’s plaid outfit masked the stains (if not the smell). My daughter’s strategically placed little hand covered that wound on her knee. No one would ever guess the trauma that had gone on behind the scenes.
Looks can be deceiving, can’t they?
Just like that photo, our pain lurks beneath the surface. It’s often camouflaged by busyness, a confident demeanor, or a tough outer shell.
[Tweet “God wants to do so much more than change our pain. He wants to use our pain to change us.”]
Maybe you’re grieving the loss of a marriage or a child. Perhaps you’re carrying wounds from sexual abuse, a heartbreaking childhood, a prodigal child, or a broken or difficult relationship.
We hide because we think no one else will understand. Maybe we think we’re to blame. We’re afraid of rejection. We believe it makes us weak. We don’t want others to feel sorry for us. We don’t want our pain to define us.
So we nurse our pain in isolation. The pain that no one sees. We live alone with our invisible wounds.
After 20 years of chronic pain and illness—mine and my son’s—I bear the scars of isolation and discouragement.
Because I never know how I’m going to feel, I struggle to make plans or fully engage in life. I feel the weight of my son’s pain. My anxiety and insecurity—always a struggle—has sometimes felt nearly unbearable. At times, it has shaken my faith to its very core.
So what do we do with our pain? Where is God in all this? Why does a loving, compassionate God allow us to suffer in this way? How do we find peace and joy in circumstances and pain that may never go away? How do we cope with feeling alone with our hidden wounds?
I don’t have all the answers. But here’s something important that I do know: God is not afraid of our questions. He isn’t surprised or appalled by our frustrated, tear-soaked temper tantrums (I’ve had more than a few). He just wants us to come to Him.
For years, I have looked for an outcome. Relief from my pain. I wanted healing. Period. I still do. But I’ve learned healing can look very different than what we imagine.
Hope and healing can come through telling our stories. It can materialize as God meets us and reveals Himself in the middle of our struggle. It can materialize as we see God redeem our pain.
This isn’t the path I would have chosen for myself. It isn’t the journey I would have chosen for my son, who battles cystic fibrosis.
Yet pain leads us to a deeper walk with God if we are open to gifts that we would never have received without our pain. Others receive gifts they wouldn’t have received without our pain. God cares. He sees your struggle, sweet friend.
[Tweet “My hope no longer depends upon my healing, but my Healer.”]
But He wants to do so much more than change our pain. He wants to use our pain to change us.
When our joy, freedom, and hope rest on an outcome, instead of a Person, we will ultimately be disappointed. Our circumstances are just too shaky and unpredictable. God never changes. We are always on solid ground when He is the Source of our hope.
It is not through the result—the relief of our emotional, physical, or spiritual suffering—that the most important transformation comes. It is through the relationship with Jesus.
I can say that genuinely and with complete conviction. Not because it’s what I’m supposed to say as a good Christian. Or because I’m in denial. It’s because it is what I know and have experienced to be true, particularly over this past year—the most physically, spiritually, and emotionally brutal season that I’ve ever experienced.
After twenty long years, I can now honestly say my faith is no longer in an outcome. My hope no longer depends upon my healing, but my Healer.
Your wounds may be hidden from the world, but they never escape the notice of a loving God.
Through Him, we can find hope—even while we’re hurting.
© Melinda Means. Includes excerpts from Invisible Wounds: Hope While You’re Hurting.
Kindle and Paperback versions available on Amazon.
The Kindle version is $2.99 for a limited time. The Paperback version is currently $8.99 and includes a Discussion Guide perfect for both individuals and small groups. If you purchase the Kindle version, you can find a downloadable Discussion Guide by clicking here.
What people are saying about Invisible Wounds
Every time I read Melinda Means, I feel like I’ve encountered the heart of Christ. In Invisible Wounds, she goes one step further. She shows me how Christ is holding my heart in his Hands, and how He holds me gently – every wound, every broken place – to bring wholeheartedness to my life. This book is for any woman who is hurting today, any woman who needs to know that hope is one heart-cry away.
~ Jennifer Dukes Lee, author of Love Idol and The Happiness Dare
It’s rare to find someone who will share her wounds with the kind of vulnerability Melinda does … Her voice is powerful yet tender. She will challenge you and encourage you at the same time. And chances are, you’ll laugh and cry…and maybe even find yourself nodding with a deep understanding as you read the hard-earned wisdom in these pages.
~ Carey Scott, author of Untangled: Let God Loosen the Knots of Insecurity in Your Life
Melinda shares her battle to find hope and hold onto her faith as she copes with the challenges of her personal debilitating disease, as well as the condition of her precious son. She allows you to see and feel her struggles and numbness all while being transparent about her doubts and questions about God. Her book will bring much-needed inspiration to others who have invisible wounds, too.
~ Amy Lykins, Executive Director of Business Development at Proverbs 31
Melinda understands so well this often-hopeless journey of hidden pain. To the woman who thinks no one sees—this book is for you. To the woman nursing hurts that don’t seem to heal—this book is for you. And, for every one of us (including me) who needs a God-sized reminder that only Jesus can help, this book is for us. Make sure you get two copies—someone you know needs hope while she’s hurting, too.
~ Joanne Kraft, author of The Mean Mom’s Guide to Raising Great Kids
In Invisible Wounds, Melinda gets real and encourages us to do the same. It’s through this realness that we can find grace from God and stronger relationships with others. Stories from Melinda’s life, her friends’ stories, and examples from Scripture all work together to help readers view their hardships as the training ground for growth. I’m excited to have this book to recommend to the special-needs parents that I minister to each day.
~ Sandra Peoples, author of Held: Learning to Live in God’s Grip (a Bible Study for Special-Needs Parents) and site editor for Key Ministry
At some point in our lives, each of us has dealt with the fear, pain, doubts, and discouragement that Melinda writes about in this book. She describes beautifully how to address the lies the enemy places in our hearts. Melinda also helps us see that through our relationship with God and the promises we receive through knowing Him as our Lord and Savior, we can overcome these wounds. I am encouraged as I journey through her words and feel that through this book, Melinda will reach women as seeds of hope and love are planted—ones can only be found through Christ Jesus.
~ Cheryl Goss, Founder and President of Connecting Ministries
In Invisible Wounds, Melinda courageously opens the door to the inner struggles of a woman’s heart. She reminds us that God wants us to give him the depth of our pain so that He will show us His presence. With approachable wit and grace, Melinda’s words are a soft balm to our open wounds, providing healing and restoration to weary souls alike.
~ Christen Price, speaker, blogger at christenprice.com and author of Practice Hospitality and Invited (releases March 2017)
