I am not a morning person. In fact, I think the person who invented the phrase, “Good morning!” was seriously delusional.
My children are not morning people either.
Since my firstborn started preschool, mornings have been the thorn in my side. We’ve all come a long way over the years, but mornings still aren’t completely blissful. And my oldest is now 18. Sigh.
Some of my biggest regrets as a mom are the words I’ve spoken in anger and frustration as I’ve tried to forklift my children out the door.
So why should you listen to anything I have to say, right? Well, I may not be an expert at always starting the day right, but I have quite a bit of experience in how to turn around a bad day.
See if this scenario sounds familiar:
The kids stumble out of bed late, after repeated prodding. You’ve set consequences, but they don’t seem to be having the desired effect. The clock is ticking and your children are moving like their feet are trapped in cement.
You’ve spew out angry words. They shoot back with excuses and frustration. Finally, everyone is in the car. The “conversation” continues until there’s nothing left to say. You sit in stony silence on the way to school.
That’s when it hits you. That awful feeling in the pit of your stomach. How did you get here? This isn’t the kind of mother you wanted to be. This isn’t how you want to send your children off to tackle their day.
We can’t take back the angry words we’ve spoken. We can’t make our child sorry for the way they behaved. We can’t rewind the clock and start over.
So, what do we do? All we can do is start right where we are and make different choices. These choices are simple, but that doesn’t mean they’re easy. Yet, they make all the difference.
Choice #1: Pray. I can’t get my heart and attitude in the right place until I’ve asked God for forgiveness first. He gives me the ability to let go of my frustration and make things right with my children.
Choice #2: Be the first to say “I’m sorry.” I’ve been known to stubbornly think, “I shouldn’t have to apologize first. They started it.” Yes, I’ve been known to think like an eight-year-old. As the parent, I set the example. I can only take responsibility for my actions and behavior. By being quick to ask for forgiveness, it encourages them to do the same.
[Tweet “Our actions and tone reflect whether we really mean what we say.”]
Choice #3: Accept their apology. Soften your tone. Change your demeanor. Merely saying “I’m sorry” is not enough. Neither is saying “I forgive you.” Actions and tone reflect whether we really mean what we say. That’s why it’s so important to start with Choice #1. Once we’ve asked for forgiveness and offered it to our kids, we need to let it go. That means changing the subject, changing our tone and moving on. I’ve found that a little humor can lighten the mood. For me, this is the toughest choice, but it makes all the difference.
Choice #4: Accept God’s grace. It’s there for the taking! One of my favorite verses is Lamentations 3:23: “His mercies are new every morning.” When we humbly come to Him, He is quick to forgive our offenses. We don’t have to carry them with us throughout the day. They don’t have to weigh us down and keep us feeling guilty and inadequate.
These four choices can bring us to place where we can objectively look at what went wrong that morning. How can we do things differently tomorrow? Do we need to set new, more effective consequences? Get up earlier? (that made a huge difference in my house) Plan better the night before? All three?
If you’re anything like me and my kids who fall into the “non-morning people” camp, getting the day started right is going to be an ongoing battle. But a bad start doesn’t have to made a bad day.
It’s our choice.
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