They make it look so easy on TV.
Families gather together and celebrate meaningful and heartwarming traditions. Everything is perfect. In fact, everyone just positively glows as they bake cookies, trim the tree and give to the needy.
In my quest for Christmas tradition perfection, I enthusiastically decided to participate in our church’s annual Shoebox Drive for Samaritan’s Purse. The idea is to fill shoeboxes with toys, toiletries and other items for distribution to needy children in Third World countries.
With my (then) small kids in tow, I eagerly picked up two shoeboxes one Sunday in October.
This is the spirit of Christmas, I thought. I’ll take the kids to the store. We’ll lovingly and carefully choose each item for the shoebox. We’ll laugh. We’ll cry. This will be wonderful.
Fast-forward to late November and just a few days before the cut-off date for returning the shoeboxes.
I suddenly realize that my Norman Rockwell moment in the aisles of Target just isn’t gonna happen. Nope. Instead, I make a mad dash to the Dollar Store, quickly throw things into my cart and frantically assemble the shoeboxes the night before. Can you feel the Christmas love?
It gets worse.
The next day, I completely FORGET about the shoeboxes.
It’s official. I am a horrible person.
The shoeboxes actually ended up on a shelf in my garage, where my husband stumbled upon them — TWO YEARS later!!
Apparently waiting on a shoebox from my family is akin to Samaritan’s Curse.
Over the years, I’ve had many #traditionfails. Here’s a few more …
I know! I’ll buy a new ornament for the children each year they live at home and then present them with a beautifully wrapped box of all 18 ornaments that they can hang on their first grownup Christmas tree!
Until I forgot to buy them for three years.
Or, how about I start a Christmas cookie decorating tradition with my daughter?
Until my controlling, perfectionist tendencies drove me to set some insane standard of culinary excellence for my four-year-old. The first — and last — attempt at that may have scarred us both for life.
My kids are now 18 and 14. I’ve learned a few things from my mistakes. Perhaps it will be helpful as you attempt to establish your own holiday traditions.
Work within your personality. I’m a writer. I make deadlines all the time. But somehow in my personal life, I can’t kill the procrastinator in me — especially around the holidays. Rigid deadlines don’t work for me. Samaritan’s Purse is wonderful. But I’ve learned I have to choose ministry opportunities that make sense for my schedule and my family. One year, we bought gifts for a needy family and delivered them to our church to be given anonymously. I could do it in my time frame and my kids liked the more personal nature of this kind of giving.
Ask the kids what they like. When I finally did, I discovered they loved opening the Advent Calendar each day. They liked decorating the tree together and reading the same books about Jesus’ birth every year. They loved opening one gift on Christmas Eve. They enjoyed giving to a family in need. As moms, we often kill ourselves trying to concoct new traditions. By talking to our children, we may find we have already created the ones that mean the most — unintentionally.
Keep it simple. Christmas is about Jesus. We don’t have to create an elaborate Christmas Angel out of cotton balls or build a sleigh in the backyard to make the holiday memorable. We put so much pressure on ourselves as moms. In the process, we suck the joy right out of Christmas — and lose focus of the Person we’re supposed to be celebrating.
P.S. You’ll be relieved to know that one of the shoeboxes finally did make it to the church. Somewhere right now a child is enjoying outdated toys and expired shampoo.
21 Comments
Norman Rockwell moments are boring! The stuff that Really ends up happening to busy, well-intentioned people is what makes our days more meaningful and memorable.
{Melinda} You are so right. Perfect is boring. Took me years to realize that!
Had to laugh because that sounded like something I would do!
Visiting from SITS.
{Melinda} It’s strangely comforting to know I’m not alone! Thanks so much for stopping by! Your blog was a great find today — I love all the pratical tips you give. I can use every single one!
Oh this is HIL-AR-I-OUS!!! And I just LOVE your honesty and downright bloopers on Christmas! I have totally been the perfectionistic controller of the kitchen “projects gone bad” too!!! Oh but the shoeboxes in the garage for two years is probably the best one of all!!! Our AHG (American Heritage Girls) troop works on the OCC project every year and fills around 200 a year!! Not to make you feel bad or anything! (Really!) Oh and don’t you worry at all about those outdated toys and shampoo… (which also made me literally LOL) I really don’t think the kids that get the boxes are too picky…just a hunch. 😉
{Melinda} Glad you got a good laugh out of it, Chris! Honestly, I can laugh at all this now. I’ve lightened up alot and am not nearly as rigid about what I think I “should” do at Christmastime! I think it’s great that your AHG girls do that! Awesome! I bet theirs don’t sit in a garage for two years either! 🙂
Samaritan’s Curse. You deserve to have your keyboard bronzed for that fantastic line. Hahahahahaha.
I LOVE the tips you have because, at the end of the day, we’ve all got to do what works for us as people and as a family. When we work against that, it’s always an uphill battle. The good news is, we can always find our niche with Christmas traditions or anything else. And that’s good! :)–Lisa
{Melinda} Yes, we can! And we get new opportunities to do that all the time. We’ve never permanently “screwed up.” Whew. I am grateful for that! 🙂
Great article, so true!
{Melinda} Thank you! Wish I’d figured it out a long time ago! 🙂
I wanted to wish you Happy SITS day but I found this post much more entertaining to comment on. You have no idea how many things I’ve failed at and years later stumbled upon. Your story was very entertaining! You have me hooked I’m a new follower!
I’m having a, “It’s a Social Hop like Crazy” party. I’d love for you to hop on over, grab a button and link up your blog.
http://mydailyphotojourney.blogspot.com/2012/11/social-hop-like-crazy-party.html
{Melinda} I’m so happy I’m not alone, Denyse! 🙂 I’m so glad you liked my stories … they’re funny now. Not at the time. I’ve lightened up alot since those early days as mama. 🙂 Thanks so much for following! I’m out to pick up my daughter from soccer, but I plan to visit your place and check out your LinkUp tomorrow!
I totally “get it”..I was always accused of “trying too hard” to make holidays and birthdays special..because when I grew up, no one did! To be fair, I did pretty good. Christmas eve was a party w/the kids full of finger foods and hot choc.w/peppermint sticks to stir them, they got brand new pjs to sleep in and every year I bough them each one of those christmas bears with the year printed on their feet. I actually cried when the day came that they said they were too old for their holiday bears. hmmm..
TracyAnn from http://www.crochethappy.com and http://asktracyann.crochethappy.com
{Melinda} Sounds like you did a pretty great job at traditions, Tracy! It is so sad when they grow out of things they used to love. Sniff.
The “elaborate Christmas angels made out of cotton balls” comment made me laugh out loud. Thank you for reminding us to simplify and to keep it real!
Fantastic post!
{Melinda} You’re welcome, Michelle! It’s taking me a long time to get that message through my stubborn head! I’m heading over to your blog tomorrow … I’ve been out of the loop this week between recovering from Thanksgiving and our SITS Day being this week. I’ve missed you. 🙂
Love this! Thank you for posting it! When I got married, and later had children, I had all these dreams of what holidays SHOULD be…but that was not what they were MEANT to be. Holidays, family time…They each need to be as individual and unique as you are. Make them your own and don’t let tradition dictate it to death! 🙂 If you’re not enjoying it, you need to step back and re-evaluate. I think we all need those reminders from time to time. I’m so glad you took the time to share yours. 🙂
{Melinda} Thanks for your kind words, Julie. I think holidays are often a disappointment because we build them up to be something completely unrealistic in our heads. They can never measure up to our crazy fantasies! The older I get, the more I scale back. Either I’m getting wiser or I’m just getting tired! 🙂
Or both! I hope you have an amazing holiday season that fits you perfectly! 🙂
I needed that light-hearted reminder this morning! Thanks for making me feel like I’m not so alone in my good intentions!
{Melinda} I think the only perfect holidays are on those sappy television specials! 🙂