It looked harmless enough.
My teenage daughter, Molly, had asked me to buy a magazine.
The cover mostly featured promises of amazing makeup tips and trendy hairstyles.
But buried in in its pages was an article downplaying the dangers of pot. Another gave advice about how girls could handle themselves in order to impress more sexually experienced boys.
The answer was, “No.”
“I just want it for the fashion, Mom! I didn’t even see those articles.”
I believed her.
But what I don’t trust is a world that makes sin and compromise look so harmless and appealing. That highlights all the short-term benefits and pleasures, but conveniently leaves out all the dangerous pitfalls and high long-term costs.
A world that doesn’t have women’s best interests at heart, only their financial interest and agenda.
During this discussion, my daughter said this: “Sometimes it seems like you are always against everything, Mom. What are you FOR?”
That question has stuck with me. She’s right. There’s so much vile stuff in our culture, so much garbage being thrown at our girls, that yes, I’m sure it does seem like I’m pretty much against everything.
Without apologies.
Molly is almost 18. Looking back, I wish I’d been more deliberate and memorable in communicating what I am very much for when it comes to young women, and women in general. I still have time. And so do you. Here are a few things that I want my daughter to know I am all for:
Embracing our Unique Design
God made men and women are different. I always thought that was obvious, but not long ago, Time magazine made it their cover story, as if it was some kind of major epiphany. Yes, we are different, but equal in God’s sight. He places incredible value on women.
He could have sent His Son into the world in a thousand different ways, but how did He do it? Through a young woman named Mary. Who did He appear to first that Easter morning after His resurrection? A woman named Mary Magdelene.
Women bring things to the table that no man ever could — a sensitivity, a unique depth of insight, a beautiful mystique. An ability to see situations and details from a perspective that only we can.
Each gender has areas of strength and weakness. We complement each other, by His Divine design.
And, yet, our culture tells us that our femininity is a liability or limitation — instead of a powerful and unique characteristic given to us by our Creator. That we have to be like men in order to be equal and respected.
It’s a lie.
Personally, I don’t want to be like a man. I love being a woman and want to embrace all the unique gifts and characteristics God entrusted to our gender alone.
Making Choices that Give Life
Everywhere you look, the message is clear: “Freedom is being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want! It’s your body. It’s your life. Nobody should have the right to tell you how to live, including God!”
But that’s not true freedom. It’s a dangerous substitute.
True freedom can only be found in Christ. He created us and so it stands to reason that His blueprint for how we’re to live is the one we should follow. Not to restrict us, but to give us life!
His guidelines are set out of pure love — to protect us, to give us joy and peace. Doing “whatever we want” only makes us slaves to those things we think will bring freedom. Our desires, if not guided and refined by a loving and holy God, can drive us to some dark places. That’s not what true freedom looks like.
Recently, there was a great anti-smoking commercial that illustrated this principle beautifully:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fnhe9RW9n3Q
True freedom? I’ll all FOR it!
Maintaining our Respect and Dignity
If we can’t be convinced to “bury” our femininity, we’re encouraged to exchange it for an exhibitionist sexuality.
This doesn’t empower women. It cheapens us.
What women are led to think is saying, “I’m powerful. I can do anything I want. I can get you to do anything I want.” actually tells the world, “Here I am. I’m not requiring anything of you. You can have all of me. Everything you see here is where my value lies.”
Anything of great value should never be acquired easily.
Every woman who God created is of great value. Women are so much more than the external package.
I’m FOR women recognizing their value — as a unique creation of God. I’m FOR women requiring a man to honor their boundaries, earn their respect and prove himself worthy of their time and affection.
I want my daughter — and all women — to embrace so much more than short-term solutions and satisfaction. Our desire for instant gratification, often ultimately leads to long-term damage, scars and regret.
So, yes, I’m for women giving up their rights — their “right” to make choices that promise life and freedom, but only bring enslavement and death. Their “right” to give themselves away too easily. Their “right” to strip themselves of their God-given feminine uniqueness.
I’m not naive. I’ve tried to educate my kids about the realities of this world. But I’m not endorsing those realities, either.
Because here’s what I’ve found to be true: When we surrender our “rights” to a loving Creator, we receive much more in return that anything we think we’re giving up.
And, daughter, I’m all FOR that.
16 Comments
The only difference between men and women is our anatomy, the souls inside are completely and truly equal. When I do things that men do, I’m not trying to be like a man. I’m just doing something human, being a person. So to argue what biblically driven point you’re trying to make, I can and will do whatever I want, learning from the consequences and becoming a better person through trial and error. Not as a woman, but as a person.
God Bless
I always wonder with the “I can do whatever I want” argument… what if what I want interferes with someone else getting what they want? This isn’t as simple as many people suggest it is…
You can “what if” anything. And everyone’s existence takes away from another’s. That’s how the world works when there’s limited resources.
Every woman is capable of what men do, and every man is capable of what women do if they put their minds to it.
On a side note, I don’t think hiding from your almost adult child how society views sex and drugs is the best way to keep them from experimenting. But that’s my opinion.
{Melinda} I respect your opinion. My children are all too aware of today’s culture’s views about sex and drugs. How could they not be? They are literally everywhere you look. We’ve had many conversations about these things. But I think it’s also pretty obvious that the “do whatever you want” approach our society has to sex and drugs has caused a lot of damage and heartache for women, men and children. I can’t hide society’s views from my kids, but I’m also not going to spend my money on magazines that present those views as harmless and without consequences.
Amen, amen, and amen! So beautifully written. Oh, how hard it is to parent in this world with society constantly screaming “YOU SHOULD HAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES!” And then making awful things appealing so they want them when they are really of no value. Instant gratification without any personal responsibility. Ugh. So many pitfalls.
My 17-year old son recently said I’m kind of a Hitler type of mom. He referenced his friend who does all these reckless things and his mom lets him. Then he said if he ever did any of those he knew I’d have his hide. I pointed out to him that his friend barely graduated high school and has just finally cleared up his legal problems with the police after a year and a half of working on it, along with other unappealing behaviors. My son is on the honor roll and is much admired and praised by all he meets (except maybe some of the kids his age who are trying to taunt him into being as stupid as they are).
I love my son enough to be Hitler with the rules. And I’m so proud of the fine young man he is.
Thanks for standing for truth and righteousness. It matters.
And Happy Sharefest. I hope you have a lovely weekend.
{Melinda} Thank you so much, Robin. It hurts my heart to see so many girls fall for dangerous lies that will cause them so much pain — maybe not immediately, but always in the long-run.
Keep standing in the gap for your son. They act like they hate it, but in a vulnerable moment now and then, she’ll admit she appreciates it. 😉
This is great! I have three daughters and I hope they will not listen to the message the world is trying to send their way re: their rights. It’s hard to hold the line, but your daughter will be glad you did in the end. #saturdaysharefest
{Melinda} I really do think our kids want boundaries. It shows them they’re valuable and that we care. Thank you so much for stopping by!
Yes!!! Yes!!! Yes!!!
{Melinda} Thanks, Bonita! 😉
This is beautifully written! What a blessing this message is. I always tell people who think that you lose so much freedom by being a Christian, that I am so free in Christ. In my past, I had pre-marital relations, used drugs, didn’t want to get married, didn’t want to have kids etc. Christ has freed me from all of the constant worry about getting in trouble with the law, dying of overdose, getting in a drunk driving accident, all of the insecurities and worries that come along with relationships not built on Christ…the list goes on and on.
Satan was lurking in that magazine as he does everywhere and we have to make our children aware of it and protect them from it. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful insight. May it reach many who need to hear it. God bless.
{Melinda} Thank you for your kind, encouraging words and sharing your story of freedom, Eileen … Praise God! 😉 He has freed me from SO much, too. I want others to have that, too.
Beautifully written with such truth. I wanted to share this proclamation on families with you but couldn’t figure out how to share it from the source, so I copied it in part. There is SO much truth in what you desire for your daughter! How blessed she is! Thank you for being the light on the hill and bringing out this beautiful truth for all young women and their mothers and fathers to see!
The Family
________________________________________
A Proclamation to the World
The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.
All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.
The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.
We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.
Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.
The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.
We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.
{Melinda} Thank you for sharing this, Reyna. God’s plan is the best — always. We humans just mess it up. Only reinforcing how much we need Him!
Ah, such wisdom from the children. It can be painful to hear, but they are capable of bringing seriously sharp insight and clarity to a discussion.
I agree, especially as a mom of two grown daughters, that more attention needs to be paid to what we do want for them, as opposed to what we don’t want, especially in regards to seeing themselves as precious and worthy of being cherished and treasured.
I especially love how you expressed that here: I’m FOR women finding a man who will respect their boundaries, earn their respect and prove himself worthy of their time and affection.
{Melinda} Kim, God has always used my children to open my eyes and shape my character. So grateful for that!