I have been working out regularly for almost two weeks.
Guess what? I look exactly the same.
I can’t suddenly slip toned thighs into my “skinny jeans” or show off my “guns” in a cute, sleeveless shirt.
This lack of immediate results is precisely why my “working out regularly” routine often ends at … two weeks.
The biblical concept of patience or “endurance” is a tough one for me to swallow. Quick results are more to my liking. But I can’t recall the apostle Paul ever writing about that.
When I became a mom, it didn’t take me long to realize that patience is a virtue that might come in handy. My children don’t often respond or develop on my timetable. Can you relate?
Unfortunately, for my children, my capacity for patience didn’t develop overnight. It took me much longer to ask God to change my heart instead of expecting my children to change the way God designed them.
Over the years, I’ve conveyed impatience and anger (the two seem to go hand-in-hand) to my children more times than I’d care to admit. I’ve had to ask their forgiveness over and over again as God slowly and mercifully used hardships and difficulties to grow my capacity to love and wait and endure.
Looking back, it’s painful for me to recognize and acknowledge the messages impatience sends to my children. Messages that I never intended to send:
Message #1: You aren’t good enough. When I’m frequently annoyed, irritated or frustrated with my children, it chips away at their confidence. What is the incentive for a child to keep trying when it becomes apparent that his or her method or pace of doing things is never fast or efficient enough for our liking?
Message #2: Hurrying is a way of life. No child should have to always feel continually rushed. It’s a very unsettling feeling for adults, let alone little people who have no concept of time or our very busy, important “to-do” lists. Ahem. I remember when my son Micah was about three, I was continually hurrying him out the door with these words: “Come on, come on, Micah. We have to go!” One day, he looked at me in frustration and said, “I’m come on-ing!” “Come on-ing” shouldn’t be a way of life. Especially when you’re three.
Message #3: God is impatient. God intended for parents to reflect His love for our children. We’re His earthly representations to our children. If we’re impatient, we unconsciously send the message that their Heavenly Father is, too.
Message #4: It’s okay to be impatient. I can talk all day long about being patient and loving, but if my actions betray my words, I lose all credibility. And I’ve learned the hard way that it’s not easy to rebuild.
So how do we become more patient with our children?
It requires a heart change that starts with one single act of obedience:
* I’m going to choose to stop myself mid-sentence when I start to hurry my child.
* I’m going to choose to take a deep breath when I have to explain the same instruction for the 10th time to my child because he/she can’t grasp the concept.
* I’m going to choose to focus on my child’s need for grace in a situation rather than my need for efficiency.
With the Holy Spirit’s power, we can start with one choice and build from there. Yesterday, our guest poster Lindsey Bell, gave some great tips for slowing down and keeping our cool.
Instead of asking ourselves, “Why are they so slow?” or “Why does everything take so long?”, maybe a better question to ask is, “What is God trying to teach me through these precious, but at times challenging, children and times of waiting?”
When we begin to sincerely seek the answer to that question, we have this assurance: “Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer.” Daniel 10:12 (NLT)
That’s a message we all need to hear.
This post is part of our eight-week series, “Spirited Mom: A Fruity Look at Mothering.” We’re focusing on a different Fruit of the Spirit each week, as it applies to mothering.
36 Comments
I am so impatient. I know I need to change, but its one of those personality flaws…I am such a hurry up person myself! This was definitely helpful!
Your posts are among my favorites – always! “I’m going to choose to stop myself mid-sentence when I start to hurry my child.” I have been practicing this for about two years. I started after I realized that my rushing around was affecting my tween’s ability to feel at ease and relaxed when trying to complete a task. Great list!
{Melinda} Awww … thank you so much, Crystal! And good for you — it really does self-control to break those patterns. But you are right. It really helps our children feel more relaxed. So worth it.
Oh how I needed this post! I have been meditating on I Corinthians 13. So far I have gotten to Love is patient, love is kind. I have gotten stuck there because the Lord is showing me how impatient I am which leads to me being unkind. They go hand in hand. This has been a wonderful guide for me!
Oh and I love the design and content of this blog! Very creative!
Melanie@getahoot.com
#SitsSharefest.com
{Melinda} I’m so glad you stopped by, Melanie and that this has been helpful for you! I’m learning that all the Fruit of the Spirit really do go hand-in-hand. It’s hard to exhibit one in isolation of the others. So glad we have God’s help as we try to live these out. It is impossible without Him.
And thank you for the kind words about our blog. So appreciated. <3
So true and what a great reminder. I saw some quote somewhere that read “Your children are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time.” I try to remember it as much as I can – he’s only 2 and it’s a big world.
{Melinda} I love that quote — so true. I think we forget how overwhelming things can be for our young children and teens. Thanks so much for stopping by, Amy!
Beautiful post. I recently started working out again after a long break because of my health. I’m taking tiny steps, but I’m impatient, too. Nice timing on this.
And impatience has been something I’ve struggled with for years. All of those horrible lessons you mentioned are lessons I’ve taught my kids more times than I’d like to admit. I’ve slowed down some recently. And I’ve gotten better at letting my children choose their own timetable (they are 14-22 after all). But I still hate waiting.
Right now I’m waiting on several things that are beyond my control. And trying to trust God’s timetable. He’s always right, but I still get impatient. I guess I’ve still got plenty of room for growth.
Have a lovely weekend.
{Melinda} Oh, Robin, I have plenty of room for growth, too! And I’m in the same boat you are — my kids are 16 and 13 and God is really leading me to back off in some areas and allow Him to work. It is so hard!
I am so glad you are feeling well enough to work out again. I am trying to keep my streak going this time. I have health issues also and I know if I can be PATIENT and persevere, it will help me tremendously.
Thanks so much for stopping by, Robin, and for your thoughtful comment.
It’s amazing the messages we can unintentionally send to our children. They pick up on everything! Great post! Visiting from the SITS Sharefest.
{Melinda} Thanks for stopping by, Kendra. Glad you enjoyed the post — I’ll stop by to visit you as well. 🙂
what a wonderful post! thanks for linking up at #LOBS party!
{Melinda} Glad you enjoyed it, Amber! Hoping to visit you and others who linked up today!
What a great post. I am so NOT a patient person. I keep telling myself to remember that patience is a fruit of the spirit! (I can still hear my mom’s voice saying “fruit of the spirit!”) Thank you for your helpful words today.
{Melinda} I’m so glad you found them helpful, Pam. Showing the fruit of the Spirit is not easy, in fact it’s impossible on our own. Keeps me humble and on my knees! 🙂
Wise words. I find myself rushing my son out the door all the time. Making a mental note to slooooow down. Thanks!
{Melinda} Slowing down is really hard for me, too, Norine. I have to conciously make that choice all the time!
I love what you said about your impantience teaching them that God is impatient. I think it’s so important for us to realize that as Christians, who we are is who those around us will assume God is. Therefore, we need to represent our God in the best light possible. Your words were very profound, and thank you for sharing them! And thanks again for visitng my blog!
{Melinda}You are so welcome! Such an awesome responsibility to reflect God’s nature to our children. I need His help! 🙂
Hmnnnn… Patience is a very important virtue for us moms. But God knows we really do need it or like we listed above we would be sending wrong messages to our children. I was so blessed to read this today, I need to be patient in my motherhood assignment. Thanks a lot Melinda!
{Melinda} You are so welcome, Ugochi. I know I have to lean on the power of the Holy Spirit everyday … being patient does NOT come naturally. 😉
Oh I needed to read this so very badly. I am so guilty of rushing my poor 4 year old daughter. I’m really thinking of printing the list out and referring to it when I’m feeling rushed.
{Melinda} I’m so glad this was helpful and encouraging for you, Melissa. <3
You know I don’t have kids but I love learning insight from all of you in this space. I never really thought about that but I will be mindful around my God children.
{Melinda} I’m not a huge fitness buff (as this post clearly states! 🙂 ), but I love your blog, too, Joi. Because of some health issues, I really NEED to exercise and so I’m determined to be patient and endure beyond two weeks! I know your blog will continue to provide me with some inspiration and encouragement along the way. 🙂
Ah, so true. I feel like I’ve been impatient one too many times and sometimes my daughter is afraid to interrupt me and ask for something because she’s seen me sigh loudly one too many times. Breaks my heart. She should be able to interrupt me all of the time. This is my 24/7 job. I chose it and I love it.
{Melinda} Oh, I know that feeling, Tamara! I’ve done it, too. Love what you said though about “I chose it and I love it.” So important for us to keep at the top of our minds as moms.
Patience is such a challenge! Especially with those pokey toddlers! I’m glad I’m more patient with my younger kids than I was with my older kids…but that definitely comes with experience and having more confidence as a mom.
{Melinda} Yes, you are so right — confidence grows as we get more experience. My second child definitely benefitted from the mistakes I made with my first. Motherhood is definitely a journey…
Great reminders and points! It is true what they say, “Change begins with you.” You cannot change anyone but yourself, so “be the change you want to see in the world”. If you want your children to be more patient with you, you have to be more patient with them, etc. Patience is definitely a learn by observing rather than a “do as I say, not as I do” thing.
It is also one of the most God-like traits to have, and it is such an amazing object lesson about God. He is always there waiting for us to “get it”, willing to let us change, not forcing things upon us and letting us use our own free will. Yes, there are consequences when we choose to follow the wrong path (just like there is with everything in life), but He is still there to help and guide when we seek Him.
I think part of the reason we get impatient sometimes is because we don’t want our kids to miss out…and this is the kicker with patinence. We have to be willing to let our kids face the consequences of their actions, and we get angry knowing it can be avoided if they would just do this or that. God shows us, by His example, that you tell them the consequences, you show them the right way…and then you wait. You wait for them to choose what is right…and you have to be willing to let them mess up because sometimes that’s the only way they will learn and no one (especially not a Holy God) wants a yes man who will just blindly follow and/or only follows out of fear and coercion.
It’s probably one of the hardest lessons of life – the realization that you cannot control anyone but yourself – but it is there to learn. Choosing to be patient, to keep yourself at peace no matter the circumstances around you, to keep reminding and repeating when you “know” they should have it by now…That is Godliness and mercy in action.
When I think of all the patience God has shown with me, of the times He welcomed me back with open arms, of the times He was well within His right to give up on me yet He was right there, same as always, willing to guide, accept, love and direct – it humbles me beyond words and puts so much in perspective!
{Melinda} So much wisdom in your comment, Julie. With teenagers, I am really having to learn that I control no one but me and that I have to be patient even as I watch them go down ill-advised paths because I have to let them make some of their own mistakes. And, oh my goodness, God has been and is SO patient with me. How can I not extend that to my children? God’s grace is never ending … SO humbling!
Melinda, wow…thanks for this post… I sometimes find myself being impatient and I see Dino’s face fall and my heartbreaks… I apologize and feel terrible. Thanks for showing me the messages…Yes God is always patient with us and I want him to be patient with others. We need to enjoy life and he is more than good enough for me.
{Melinda} I think these are messages that we don’t mean to send … we love our kids so much! We don’t realize that our impatience is communicating this, but once I was aware, it really did help me stop in my tracks when I started getting irritable and impatient. I still mess up, but it’s something I’m always aware of improving.
Thank you for this! What a gift! I definitely needed to hear this and get some good instruction on how to change my behavior with my kids!! One of my 4 year-olds asked me once, when leaving the house in the morning: “Mommy? Are we going to be late?” and I wasn’t even rushing! That’s when it hit me that I’m hurrying them all the time and it’s just not fair. Great post! THANK YOU!
{Melinda} You are welcome, Allie! I’m so glad you found it helpful. I’ve made so many mistakes in this area and I’m always happy when what I’ve learned from my mess-ups can help someone else. 🙂