I love endings.
I know that may sound strange. Usually, we think of endings as being sad. And some are sad. But, to me, endings can also mean closure and completion. That the goal has been reached. The results have been achieved. Ta-da! Success!
Particularly since I’ve become a mother, those kind of endings have been in short supply.
Being a mom means many endless tasks: disciplining children, helping with schoolwork, cleaning the house, giving instructions… The list itself is endless.
This used to be so discouraging for me. It still is at times. But much less so since I began celebrating progress instead of results.
Some people look back at the year on January 1. I measure my years from September to May — school years. And I take time to take stock of what progress I’ve seen in myself, my marriage and my children over the past nine months.
This year, I’ve seen my daughter make some solid academic strides. My son, who has cystic fibrosis, is beginning to take more ownership and responsibility for his own health and medical care.
My husband and I are making time with each other more of a priority and we’ve seen some nice growth in our relationship.
Personally, I continue to make progress in killing the people-pleasing beast. I continue to make strides in giving the kids more responsibility and drawing clearer boundaries.
Have any of us arrived? No. We all still have plenty of room for improvement. The finish line isn’t even in sight.
When I only feel successful if I achieve certain results, I become bitter and discouraged. I feel inadequate. I become critical of myself and others (so inspiring, right?!)
This shift from celebrating progress instead of results didn’t happen overnight. And it’s an ongoing process. I have to allow the Holy Spirit to do some work on my heart and mind. I have to ask God to help me see how far He’s brought me, instead of how far I have left to go.
I also have to be deliberate in chasing and celebrating progress instead of only specific results. Here’s a few ways I try to do that:
Set smaller goals toward the bigger ones. Help your kids do the same. For the child who’s struggling in school, a goal of straight A’s in a 9-week period could be overwhelming and unrealistic. Instead, perhaps encourage him or her to try to raise their a couple of grades one letter. And then help them make a list of changes they can make to meet that goal. On a personal level, I struggle with setting consistent boundaries. Instead of trying to “set clear boundaries from now on,” I determine, with God’s help, to set clearer parameters in one area where I know I am weak. And then I move on to another area.
Praise and reward progress. I try to be very specific and deliberate in praising my kids progress — particularly those areas that I know are a real struggle for them. Giving a small, but tangible reward for improvement — from time to time — can also give a real boost in motivation to keep going. I also reward myself from time to time when I’ve met a goal. Not often enough, though! Again, this is an area where I need to make progress.
Journal your personal and family accomplishments. Writing down our prayers, our goals and our victories is such an amazing record of how God is working in our lives. I’ve gone back to these journals again and again to remind myself of where my family was and where God has brought us. It is so motivating, faith-building and encouraging.
When we feel like we’re falling short, moms, our tendency is to beat ourselves up. I say, it’s high time we celebrate … progress.
So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Galatians 6:9
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Beautiful and thought provoking post. I too get overwhelmed and discouraged with the never ending tasks. These tips could be very helpful for me. Especially the prayer journal and more frequent journaling in general. That’s a habit I have fallen out of, and I need to return to it. Thanks for the inspiration!
{Melinda} You are so welcome, Alexa. Journaling is so helpful to me. It gives me some measure of accountability to write down my goals and I process better on paper.
Stopping by from SITS! Love the idea of smaller goals 🙂
{Melinda} It’s so much less overwhelming, isn’t it? 🙂
When you look at it like that, endings really are wonderful! I need to focus on making little goals. When I do that, it totally pays off. I don’t know why I don’t focus more on that technique. It really helps. Excellent advice!! –Lisa
{Melinda} Thanks, Lisa! Big goals just overwhelm me unless I break them down.
Help, I’ve been informed and I can’t become ignorant.
There’s nothing like the relief of finding what you’re looking for.
I think it’s absolutely important and sensible to reward progress. That’s what we’re doing here, celebrating every week at speech when my son shows improvement, no matter how small. Because I know each small step will take him where he needs to be.
{Melinda} My son had a lot of therapy as a baby and toddler and step by step he made great progress. He’s 13 now and has overcome so many obstacles. I’ll say a prayer for your son right now … I know that journey can be a tough one.
This is just what I needed to read today! It’s SO true. That “to do” list is never going to be completely done but I should celebrate how many things I’ve checked off!! This is a perfect attitude adjustment & perspective. Thank you!
{Melinda} I’m so glad, Allie! 🙂 You’re welcome!
Blogging has become my form of a journal. I still write in an actual journal when I have something that I don’t feel should be made public when I need it though.
Your right it does feel like we’ll never reach the finish line. A mother’s job is NEVER done. I have had to accept that fact in order to grasp some form of sanity.
Great post as usual!!
{Melinda} Thanks, Crystal! Great point … blogging does become a great diary of marking progress. I had a different blog a few years ago and when I go back to those old blog posts, I am amazed at how far I’ve come and how far we’ve come as a family, too!
I love how you’ve made it a priority to assess all the important things in life. The soccer team I coach didn’t win a game until late in the season, but we emphasized the progress and improvement, and it helped us to focus on bigger goals.
We beat our rival in the final game – and I hope the kids will remember how that big step was actually a series of much smaller consistent steps.
Great message here in your post.
I always try to journal my daily foods and record my fitness routine. I never have this idea to journal my family accomplishment. Such a great idea, I’m glad you shared.
{Melinda} Journaling really helps me … It’s such an encouragement when I’m feeling down. Looking back on the progress I’ve made makes me realize how far I’ve come. 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by!
Smaller goals – great advice. I tend to look at the big picture and get swallowed by it and start to panic. My husband is the type to look at it through baby steps – bird by bird. It helps me immeasurably to do the same. Glad you had a good school year!
{Melinda}Thanks, it was a good year in a lot of ways. I love small goals. It makes me feel less overwhelmed and like I’m moving forward — even if it’s slower than I’d like.
Great advice! Baby steps… 🙂
{Melinda} Baby steps still move us forward … sometimes we forget that! 🙂
YES! I am all about “finishing” things. I need completion and I struggle ALL the time to ‘let things go’ and not see the end of tasks, projects, cleaning, day’s agenda ETC! I too, am trying to steady my progress and take little steps of making smaller goals and realizing “closure” in the little things, Motherhood is sooooo UN-controllable- and I want to control everything. God has taught me and continues to refine my need for completion. Still growing!!!
{Melinda} We are so much alike, Chris. I’m a control freak too, who has a really hard time just letting go. God has made good progress in me, but I have a lot of growing yet to do, too!
I’m glad your year went so well. Very happy that your son is taking more responsibility as he grows and understands better his health situation. I am all about breaking the huge goals down into smaller conquest! Enjoyed this!
{Melinda} Yes, seeing my son slowly taking more ownership of his disease is huge. He has a way to go, but he has come quite a distance from a year ago. Thanks so much for stopping by, Joi!
I’m all for celebrating progress! I think I need to start writing down goals again and encouraging my kids to do the same. That helps my progress along more than anything because once I’ve written it, I commit!
{Melinda} Yes! Something about putting it in black in white seems like a contract or a commitment. I’m the same way. 🙂