“You need to come to my office as soon as you can. I don’t want to discuss it on the phone.”
Those are words you never want to hear from your doctor.
I quickly drove over, gripping the steering wheel with sweaty palms.
I hadn’t been feeling well for months. I was tired right down to my bones. My chest felt tight. I was easily short of breath. My hair was like straw and falling out with alarming frequency.
After a scary episode where I literally felt like an elephant was stepping on my chest, I finally went to the doctor. He did a full battery of tests. The results were in.
With grave seriousness, the doctor explained that my thryoid was out of whack and that my hemoglobin was so low that he called the laboratory and asked them to re-check my blood for leukemia. Thankfully, it was negative. But that didn’t mean I was out of the woods.
He looked me in the eye and said firmly, “You are great at taking care of everyone else. Now it’s time to take care of you.”
I was in a Mom Self-Care 911 Emergency. Everything had to stop. Due to some major circumstantial and family-related crises, I had demoted the priority of my well-being for quite some time. It had just gotten a promotion.
As moms, we think we’re being noble. Sacrificial. Martyr — in the best sense of the word.
But what good is a chronically ill, irritable, stressed-out mom? All that “good” I thought I was doing? With the benefit of hindsight, I’m not so sure I was doing as much good as I thought.
“Godzilla Mommy” isn’t remembered fondly by my family during that time period.
Since then, I have taken a few steps to make sure I avoid future Mom Self-Care Emergencies:
I feed my body. And I don’t give it junk either. I take vitamins and supplements. I make healthy smoothies, eat yogurt, salads, whole grains, etc. I don’t drink sugary drinks and I rarely keep ice cream or junk food around the house (much to my teenagers’ dismay). These are good practices for anyone. I have chronic autoimmune issues, so it is especially important for me. Taking good care of myself enables me to take care of others.
I feed my soul. Nearly every morning, before my crazy day begins, I sit at my kitchen table and spend time in Bible study and prayer. Before I had children, I wasn’t very good at being consistent in this area. The demands of parenting quickly brought me to my knees — literally. Centering my soul and acknowledging my utter dependence on God’s sufficiency and power helps me start my day knowing I am not in control. He is. And that’s a very good — and freeing — thing.
I feed my need for a break. I don’t need a lot of “me” time to rejuvenate, but I definitely need some on a consistent basis. Lunch with a friend. A walk in the evening. Even just a 15-minute solitary retreat to my bedroom! Combined with my daily time with God, this makes such a difference in my perspective and state of mind. Also, once a year, I go to the same Hampton Inn about 45 minutes from my house. I drive to the Panera’s right down the road, order my favorite salad or sandwich and go back to my room. And do absolutely nothing that I don’t want to do for about 24 hours. The peace and quiet helps me untangle my brain and — again — gain perspective. It is worth every penny. My family would agree.
As my doctor told me years ago, we’re great at taking care of everyone else. We have to take care of ourselves.
Trust me, we don’t want to wait under we hear sirens.
22 Comments
It seems like you are taking some great steps. I think we forget too often to take care of ourselves, which really isn’t helping anyone. Take care of yourself!
No body wants to Melinda! Thanks for sharing this, especially for that just “keeps going”.
{Melinda} You are welcome. 🙂 I think we all need reminders!
What a great post and reminder to take care of ourselves. I need to be more like you and meditate in prayer daily. Glad you are on your way to recovery, I can’t imagine how terrifying that moment must have been for you.
{Melinda} That time in prayers makes such a difference, Nellie! I can tell when I don’t get it. I’m stressed and unfocused. It was a scary wakeup call that I try not to forget!
all we mommies always want to put our kids first, but if we don’t take care of ourselves, we are leaving our kids to a scary future. I have to remind myself of that all the time I rather feel guilty for me time than feel guilty over something that could have been prevented. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers to make sure you stay on the healthy road babe
{Melinda} Yes, we need to ditch the guilt! It is not selfish to take care of ourselves. Thanks for your kind words and prayers. I am doing better, but it a day-by-day journey. Keeps me dependent on God, that is for sure.
I tried to comment on your blog yesterday using my Twitter account and kept getting an error message. I’ll try again today … hopefully it was just a flukey thing.
Oh, my! Yes, please take care of yourself! You will be in my prayers, definitely. I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis and Fibromyalgia, so I can definitely relate. Taking care of myself is key to being able to take care of my family.
{Melinda} I have Hashimoto’s too, and other autoimmune disorders, Julie. I knew you’d be able to relate to this. I really appreciate your prayers. It’s a daily faith walk because I’m never quite sure how I’ll feel from day to day , or even moment to moment. Praying for you right now, friend.
Thanks for the prayers! It’s nice to have a prayer partner who understands, though I wish you didn’t, if you know what I mean. I don’t wish any chronic conditions on anyone!
Wow! This is so important. Too bad many of us only get serious when there’s an emergency. Thank you for sharing this because we’re so good at taking care of everyone else and not ourselves. I love that once a year idea. I think I’m gonna try it 🙂 Great post.
{Melinda} You should do it, Hope! It’s wonderful. That mini “getaway” can carry me (mentally) for months!
Oh my Gosh, this sounds AWFUL. Lisa and I just had this conversation recently and realized it is time to put ourselves on the list, so to speak! This is another great reminder! :)-Ashley
{Melinda} It WAS awful. I still have chronic health issues, but I try to the best of my ability to keep them in check. Yes, you must put yourselves on the list — and not at the bottom either! 🙂
Such a good reminder. I do the same thing. I need to hear this. Now I need to follow the advice!
{Melinda} That’s the hard part, right? Actually DOING what we know in our heads we should!
Such a good reminder to all moms – we’re no good to our families if we are not well. Glad you are ok!
{Melinda} Thank you! It really was a wake-up call. I try not to forget it now that I am feeling somewhat better. 🙂
Oh, how so scary! So glad you’re taking good care of yourself. I’ve found it interesting that as I get older I feel the effects of poor eating/sleeping and that didn’t happen to me in my teens and twenties. And of course now that I have kids, it’s more challenging to focus so much on myself but also more important!
{Melinda} I wish so much that I would have taken better care of myself in my 20’s and 30’s. I think I would not have the health issues I still have today. It’s hard to make the time, but eventually, we’re forced to. Better to do it, when it’s OUR choice! 🙂
So true. There are some things I need to be doing to take care of myself that I’m not doing and this post was a good reminder that I want to do it sooner than later. Thanks.
{Melinda} Yes, I tend to wait to take action on things until they reach a critical point. Not a good idea when it come to our health!