“Why would you want to go to a baseball game on Mothers’ Day?!”
My teenage daughter was completely and totally baffled.
Me: “Well, I know everyone will be happy there. And that will make me happy.”
My daughter: “Okay, well, I guess it’s your day, crazy lady.”
I don’t hate baseball. I like it just fine. Our family goes to Tampa Bay Rays games often — and have for years.
Would it have been my first choice as an activity to do on Mother’s Day? Well, no.
A spa day comes to mind as a “first choice” activity. But then I wouldn’t be with my family. You know, the people who made me a mother.
And, now that my kids are teens, I realize “family time” — at least as I’ve known it for the past 16 plus years — is running out. I don’t take it for granted like I used to do. I have a keener and keener appreciation for the fact that it won’t always be in unending supply.
You know the saying, “If mama’s not happy, nobody’s happy”? Well, I’ve found that when it comes to family togetherness, “if everybody’s happy, mama’s happy.”
Sure, I can get my own way. I’m the mom and that pulls some weight — especially on Mother’s Day. But, after numerous miserable, drama-filled, family outings, I’ve learned that sometimes choosing my ideal activity isn’t worth the cost.
If the goal is an enjoyable day of bonding and memories with my family, should it really matter what we’re doing?
A few years ago, on Mother’s Day, we went to the mall. A “first choice” activity for me. I was given “carte blanche” (within reason of course) to pick out something I really wanted. I should’ve been in heaven, right?
Ranks as one of my worst Mother’s Days ever. The boys, of course, were fidgety and miserable. They were trying to be good sports, but the pain was written all over their faces. Which made me feel like I had to hurry. And that’s pretty much how I feel the other 364 days of the year. You’d think my teenage daughter, at least, would have been enjoying herself, yes? Well, a mall day is a “first choice” activity for her — but not when she isn’t benefitting from it.
I know a lot of people would say, “Well, they’re the kids. They need to learn to put the needs of others above their own and just deal with it.”
I agree. They do need to learn that lesson. And life presents many, many opportunities where that lesson can be learned. My husband and I try to teach it often in their daily lives.
But, honestly, when it comes to family time, I’m willing to forfeit my ideal activity for time together that we all enjoy.
For me, that’s a home run — every time.
33 Comments
And it’s your day to do with as you choose. If you choose to give some of it away to the family, then do it without apology! I hope it was a wonderful day for everyone — especially you!
Great post! I love the spin you put on the old saying, and I completely agree!
{Melinda} Thanks … so glad you stopped by, Pam!
I agree with you. My Mother’s day meal was at a (kid-friendly) sports bar-type restaurant watching the Rangers game. Not my first choice but we all had a great time.
{Melinda} Sounds like an outing my family would enjoy,too, Stephanie. It’s not where you are, it’s the company, right? 🙂
My mom is like that too. She’s happy as long as everyone else is happy. Doesn’t matter what she is doing. 🙂
{Melinda} Moms just like being with their kiddos. 🙂
I’m all over this one. I’m so with you on this. You’ve gotta “pick your battles” and if the kids happiness brings you peace, take it…especially if the trade off is an activity you don’t mind participating in. Of course I’m reminding to myself too 🙂 Love this post.
{Melinda} Thank you, Hope … love how you put that: “If the kids’ happiness brings you peace, take it!” Amen. 🙂
Melinda, I am totally with you here! Over Mother’s Day weekend, my kids and hubby asked me what I wanted, thinking I’d want some pampering. Oh, sure, I let hubby make dinner, but what I wanted was for the kiddos to pick out a movie they wanted to watch and enjoy it together. I didn’t care what it was (and if the weather had been good, I would have opted for an outdoor activity they like), I just wanted it to be together. That’s the best type of Mother’s Day fun to me, too! 🙂
{Melinda} That sounds wonderful, Julie! Being together trumps all! 🙂
Indeed it does! Thanks for stopping by and wishing me a Happy Anniversary, too! 🙂
AH…. yes! I was actually so disappointed in my Mother’s Day, because I selfishly wanted my kids to pay attention to ME and they completely had their own agenda. I love your outlook- perhaps I need to really take this message to heart. Thank you for this!
{Melinda} Oh Chris, I have so been THERE! I guess I have taken the approach of “if you can’t beat them, join them” and I just go along with the activity they want to do. Everyone is happier that way, maybe, most of all, ME! Who would have thought?! 🙂
My Mother’s Day was the perfect mix of self-indulgence and family time. My husband watched our girls so I could go for a run. Afterwards we had lunch together, followed by lots of monkey business at the playground. It was a the perfect way to spend the day.
{Melinda} That sounds perfect … a little something for everyone! 🙂
I figured this little trick out this past Mother’s Day as well that just being able to spend time with the family is far more enjoyable. I also found that my family was more inclined to truly spoiling me on “my day” because we were doing things they wanted together. I had the most perfect Mother’s Day this year as a result of not trying to demand everything be what I wanted.
{Melinda} Isn’t it amazing how a little self-sacrifice can actually come back and bless US? 🙂 So glad you had a terrific Mother’s Day!
I agree with this wholeheartedly. If all four family members are not elated, I’m not elated. My husband hurt his shoulder badly recently and that gave me a huge blow. I chose to spend Mother’s Day with them rather than the alone spa day I had thought I wanted before his injury. It was not relaxing, but we all pulled it together and enjoyed each other.
{Melinda} I’m so sorry about your husband’s injury. I know that causes him a lot of pain and affects the whole family. I’m glad you chose to spend the day with him and the kids … I’m sure that meant a lot to him and being able to enjoy time with each other truly is a gift. 🙂
Oh I’m with you. Remind of this next year, please?! I wanted to go out to dinner for Mother’s Day and not cook. Perhaps my choice should have been Chuck E Cheese or something like that because until we actually ordered, the kids argued with each other. I just wanted a peaceful night of no cooking. But video games probably would have made my boys happy. Or maybe I should have taken one of them and left the other two home with a pizza. Haha. Other than that, my Mother’s Day was lovely…I took pictures on the soccer field. 🙂
{Melinda} Here’s what I’ve come to realize … I can’t expect that it’s going to meet my “ideal picture.” I’ve just learned to go right ahead and do my “mom thing” just like I do on any other day. And if I get an extra helping hand or two or the kids decide to be a little extra nice on Mother’s Day — well, praise the Lord, that’s a welcome bonus! 🙂
Glad you had a lovely Mother’s Day … the gift of “no cooking” was probably worth the sibling battles! At least, I always think it is! 🙂
Hi there from SITS! I’m so glad I found your blog. What great design! And content. And you’re from the Tampa region. I’m the Science of Parenthood partner who lives in Orlando. 🙂 Anyway, I loved your Mother’s Day post. This year, we also did a compromise. I had a big magazine deadline (my editor did not care that it was Mother’s Day) so as a “gift,” my husband took our son to my friend’s Mother’s Day party at her house and I had hours of quiet time to write. Not quite the way I would have normally chosen to spend the day but not bad either. Later on we went out with my parents and my sister’s family and had wonderful Italian, so it wasn’t a total wash. And the quiet was heavenly!
{Melinda} I’m so glad you found us, too! I’ll definitely head over to your blog and check it out! Your husband is a good man. My hubby has done that also (especially when the kids were littler). Sometimes reality crashes in — even on Mother’s Day. Sounds like you were able to work the compromise out well for everyone.
I hope you’ll enjoy our blog. We take those science-y and math principles everyone learned in middle and high school and use them to “explain” parenting. It’s all in good fun. Meanwhile, might I ask where in Tampa you are? My best friend from first grade lives off Bruce B Downs in Hunters Green, so I’m in the area quite a bit. We also have family in Safety Harbour, which is a bit further west.
{Melinda} That approach sounds so fun!! I’ve been out most of the day with kid-related activities, but I am definitely stopping by your place tomorrow … so glad you found me! 🙂
Totally agree with this 100%. My mother’s day gift this year was a choose your own adventure…ironically, none of the choices included a spa day. However, at the end of the day it was probably my favorite Mother’s Day ever, because we ALL had fun. Together.-Ashley
{Melinda} What a cute idea … yes, I’m all too happy to sit at a baseball game if no one is fighting or acting like they’re being tortured. 🙂
Next year, I’m voting for the spa day … at a nice hotel with a great pool where my son can play with his dad while I get pampered. And then I’m going to vote for flying unicorns and laundry that comes out of the dryer magically folded. 🙂
I completely agree Melinda, we have to make every time count for our children and give them as many happy memories of family to to last them their lifetime.
I think we could use more family time at our house and I will make necessary adjustments to put in more family time. Thanks for this post.
{Melinda} The older they get, the harder we have to fight for that family time! They act like they don’t want it, but they really do. Mine are teens and they actually ASK for it if we haven’t done something together for a while. I never thought that would happen!
well said babe…besides dealing with kids who don’t want to do something is a battle no mother wants to fight, LOL
Family time is a wonderful gift, glad you enjoyed it!
{Melinda} No, I deal with making them do things they don’t want to do just to get them to school everyday! Don’t need that battle when we’re supposed to be having FUN! 🙂