The girl never stops.
From the time she was born, my daughter has always been a mover and a shaker.
She rolled over before three months, crawled at five months and was walking at 9 1/2 months. Her verbal skills developed just as quickly. Molly has always wanted to play, go, do, explore — talking nonstop along the way.
A few years ago, on her birthday, we broke out some old video of her when she was three. In the space of about five minutes, she had made up an energetic dance routine and then took us through the entire house as she created a thrilling, adventure-filled fictional scenario with her dolls ending in a pretend call to “911” — without ever taking a breath.
“How did you ever keep up with me?” Molly asked as she watched. A better question would have been, “How DO I ever keep with you?” She may be 16 years old now, but nothing has changed.
The child is a whirling dervish with a wicked sense of humor. No one CAN keep up with her. It’s no wonder she excels at Track & Field.
Then there’s Micah — my son.
Where Molly has always been, “Play with me! Let me draft you into my crazy adventure!” Micah on the other hand is more like, “I’m going to do my own thing. Wanna come? No? Okay, see ya!”
He likes people and activity, but is just as content doing what he wants to do — even if he has to do it alone. He’s athletic, focused and low-key. Micah loves facts and statistics. He astounds grown men with his encyclopedic knowledge of baseball trivia. He’s very funny, but with an impish, dry wit.
Micah has cystic fibrosis. Structure and regimen has always had to be a part of his daily routine. Thankfully, routine seems to fit well with his personality.
In so many ways, they could not be more different.
So who’s their mama? Well, I’m a recovering control freak with a serious case of ADD. I want everything to be perfect, if only I could remember where I put it. I like social activity, but enjoy peace and quiet, too. I worry more than I should.
Over the years, God has used my kids to make my heart teachable and shape my character. Here’s a few areas where I’ve had to adjust:
Flexibility. My daughter likes to “go.” I like to stay. But, especially as we hit the middle school years, I realized that if I was going to remain connected to her, I had to be more spontaneous and adventurous, even if in small ways. This last Sunday, Molly was bored and restless. I had a Yogurt Mountain coupon, so I suggested we jump in the car and go there. Even though I just wanted to take a nap. Some of our best mom-daughter moments happen when I’m willing to just “go with it.”
Focus. It’s not my strong suit. But I have a kid who likes routine and actually requires it because of his special needs. I’ve learned to make lists and set schedules. It helps him feel secure and it’s important for his disease management.
Backbone. I’m a people pleaser by nature. That aspect of my personality does not mesh well with training and guiding spirited, strong-willed children. I’ve learned — painfully — to say “No” and stand firm when I want to say “Yes” because it’s in the best interest of my children.
Sometimes I feel a bit like Sybil as I try to navigate their diverse personalities. But God made them who they are not just for them — but for me. They make me a better, humble and more godly person.
I just pray everyday for the energy to keep up.
12 Comments
Wow. What an insightful post. My children are very different. My daughter, similar to yours, is always on the go. She’s independent, smart, articulate and at 6, reads and comprehend way beyond her years. My son, on the other hand, loves to cuddle, always want you to play with him, learns by hands on and through games. God is dealing with us to adjust to our children’s personality, not compare the two and learn that what’s good for one, may not be good for the other. Thank you for this post.
{Melinda} You are so welcome, Hope. It’s taken me a long time to learn to bend and “go with” my children’s unique personalities. They are so different from each other and so different from me. But I am so thankful for that! It’s made me a better person and when I quit fighting their personalities, I came to enjoy them so much more! 🙂
I think the fact that our children are different stretches us to work harder and pay closer attention to their individual needs that can actually help us in becoming more sensitive and more thoughtful moms. Those differences require greater wisdom, flexibility, patience and dependence on God to show us how to parent our different children with their different needs, and this is no doubt how God “parents” and guides all of us–His children. Thankfully, God has given us such a wonderful model of how we are to approach and respond to those differences. Thank you for this beautiful and heartfelt article. So wonderful and such an important topic.
{Melinda} I totally agree, Linda … if they were just like me, I would not have to work as hard to understand and engage them and it develops my character to do so. Thank you so much for stopping by, friend!
The weaknesses in my kids have driven me to find strengths I didn’t know I had. My oldest needs structure, routine, and a clean house. Not my strengths, but I get better all the time for HIM. My youngest is very literal and expects every promise to be kept. Even the casual “sure we can go see a movie next week” response. He’s taught me to measure my words.
{Melinda} My daughter is super literal, too, Susan. I am very careful about what I promise. It’s taught me self-control with my mouth that has carried over into my marriage and other areas as well.
{Melinda} Sounds like you have very diverse, awesome kids, Julie! I can relate to the rollercoaster. My daughter can be so much fun, but it’s also exhausting sometimes, because my personality is much more low-key. But, as you said, God knew just what I needed and although sometimes I think they have the wrong mother, I know that’s not true. Somehow, even with my shortcomings, I was the one He thought was best to parent them. An awesome responsibility!
What an awesome post! I can so relate. My kids are all so different…one is a “go”, two are more “stays”…two like being more scheduled, the other thrives on chaos and a busy schedule, as I do…they all stand their ground, where I prefer to “get along” most of the time. Its tough to adjust sometimes!!
{Melinda} It’s not easy, Michelle! My son’s personality is a little more like mine, but they are both very different than me, so I have to be really conscious about trying to get into their heads and their worlds. That’s probably a good thing. It makes me be more deliberate about my mothering. 🙂
I love this post. Isn’t it amazing how our kids teach us so many things? I truly believe God created them for our growth as much as He created us for theirs… Good for you, adjusting and bending and stepping out of your comfort zones of existence to be the mom they need! Just awesome.
{Melinda} I always say that God has used my kids more than anything else in my life to humble me and shape my character! It’s not an easy process, but very worth it.
Oh, what a wonderful post! My children are so much alike and yet, so very different. They are all very loving kids by nature who love to help and share…but they have distinct likes and dislikes, and my daughter is decidedly more drama.
My oldest (a 10 1/2 year old son) is very intellectual and easy to talk to and explain things to – we think a lot alike. He helps me remember to be honest and that people are watching and they notice things…and I am accountable. That can be rough some days, but I am so grateful for it!
My middle kid (also a son, nearly 9) has difficulties with reading and writing (we think a form of dyslexia) and functional hypoglycemia and gets crazy goofy – he is a ton of fun and super funny, but he doesn’t always know when to quit. He helps me most with my thinking outside the box and compassion and patience, not because he’s unlovable but because he’s so very different from me. I never struggled with learning, I was never adventurous…and I struggle with understanding those things. He helps me be more spontaneous and see the wonder in so many things…and he reminds me that not everyone “gets it” like I do…sometimes it takes time and a new approach. It’s not an easy lesson, but it’s one I’m glad to have.
My daughter is a mini-me combined with a mini version of my twin sister, too, and wow, what a combo! She will go places when she’s older, for sure, but for now it feels like a rollercoaster ride for me. She’s too smart for her 2 1/2 years and she’s got the drama and she likes to try the reigns and asks the whys and all of that…and it can be rough. She tries my patience more than my boys…but that’s good for me, too. I can’t imagine life without her. Her smile lights up my day, and she reminds me constantly how our attitude affects everything – including our children’s behavior. She picks up on my moods and runs with them…sometimes quite literally! It helps keep my attitude in check, that’s for sure!
My kids melt my heart in their own ways and try my resolves in others. I am amazed that God knew what I needed and wouldn’t work on on my own, so gave me a hubby and children to do the job! And I am so glad He did! 🙂 I’ve learned and grown so much! I am amazed by them daily…and I don’t think that will ever change! 🙂