Something wasn’t right.
I knew it from the first days of my son’s life.
At night, he would scream for hours. People would tell me, “Oh, new moms never get much sleep. It will get better.”
They didn’t understand. Micah wouldn’t sleep peacefully for a couple of hours and then wake up from hunger. He would literally scream continually for four to five hours at a time until he wore himself out and finally slept from complete exhaustion.
That would last about 30 minutes and he would wake up for another hours-long round of screaming.
He also quickly expelled whatever he ate via one end or the other. We dubbed him “Sir Poops A Lot.”
But as time passed and nothing resolved, it just wasn’t funny.
My gut was telling me something was wrong. Really wrong. And it was getting louder and more insistent.
I kept telling it to shut up. It clearly didn’t know what it was talking about.
My baby is going to be fine, I would tell it.
His doctor says he’s a little on the small side, but it’s nothing to worry about. You’re overreacting, I would say.
Until my gut would be silenced no longer.
Micah was six months old, but he looked like a three-month-old. His skin looked pasty. His eyes were hollow. One day, he went for 24 hours without digesting a single drop of formula.
I had been getting insufficient answers and concern from his doctor for months. I was done. I called a new pediatrician in town who already had a great reputation and a long waiting list.
I prayed and picked up the phone — and miraculously got an appointment.
Two weeks later, my gut said, “I told you so.” Micah was diagnosed — by Kathy’s pediatrician husband — with cystic fibrosis.
You would think after that I would have given my gut a little well-deserved respect.
But I still spent years second guessing it. Ignoring it. Telling my gut it simply didn’t know anything.
Why? Because I didn’t have any confidence in my own instincts.
As I’ve written about before, I grew up with my mother’s untreated mental illness — and the accompanying self-focus that involved. As a result, I didn’t receive as much validation and reinforcement of my decisions as I needed.
That lack of confidence presented some real problems in mothering. So how did I finally learn to listen to my gut instead of telling it to put a sock in it?
1.) Seek out at least one person to affirm you. For me, that person was Kathy. If my gut was telling me to do something, but I wasn’t sure if it was right, I would call Kathy. I’d relate my dilemma and she’d say, “Your instincts are right. You have a good gut.” She said that to me over and over again. Patiently and sweetly. Having that long-awaited voice of affirmation made a huge difference.
Or she’d say, “You say you don’t know what to do, but you really do. You just don’t want to do it.”
Look for someone sweet and encouraging, but also someone who is honest and isn’t afraid to tell you the truth.
2.) Pray for a “good gut.” We have voices in our head telling us to do all kinds of things. Some are wise. Some not so smart — even when they seem like good ideas. I pray everyday that the Holy Spirit will help me discern which impressions and voices to listen to. He is faithful.
3.) Follow your gut — even if it’s in a small way. Each time I followed my gut and it was right, it boosted my confidence. I learned to ignore it at my own peril.
We have so many voices talking to us as mamas — spouses, our little ones, social media, friends, parenting experts.
But the wisest one is the voice the Holy Spirit puts inside our mama hearts.
If only we will listen.
43 Comments
Wow oh wow! This post couldn’t be more real or a bigger eye opener. I always say God blessed us women with an extra sense – a precautionay method. We just have to listen to it. Well written and said!
{Melinda} Just saw your comment, Mariann. Thanks so much for your sweet and encouraging comment, Mariann. 😉
As I get older, I realize that my gut feeling is always the best and most accurate! It’s true what they say…hindsight is indeed 20/20!
{Melinda} Hopefully, we can learn from hindsight! I try to! 🙂
Oh my goodness, I’m so glad that you listened to your gut! It’s sometimes difficult to follow our instincts but honestly, we KNOW our children best. We may not always know exactly what is going on but we can tell if something is “off”. Good for you and very glad that you were able to find the answers you were looking for! 🙂
{Melinda} Thank you, Sara … getting the answers made all the difference. It wasn’t the answer that we wanted, but at least we now knew what is was and could do something about it.
Ah, I know that feeling that something isn’t right so well. It can be so subtle – a quiet cough when I’m half asleep and I wake up the next morning, sit straight up in bed and say to my husband, “I KNOW he has croup. Taking him into the doctor today.” My husband always thinks I’m overreacting, and truth is, I haven’t been wrong once. Kudos to you.
{Melinda} My husband says that too sometimes, “You worry too much.” Once my son came home from camp and he wasn’t acting right. He was lethargic (more than just tired), had a headache (very unusual for him) and so I took him to the ER. My husband thought I was crazy. Turned out he was very dehydrated and they had to give him IV fluids. Mama gut deserves some respect. 🙂
I believe wholeheartedly in what you call “following our gut”, I call it discernment. When my daughter was a baby I felt there was something wrong. The doctor tried telling me that it was nothing. I insistent that she be seen by a specialist. Something wasn’t right. It’s no longer an issue, but it could have been had I not pressed on. I believe in the mama gut. #sitssharefest
{Melinda} Discernment is a good word for it, too, Andrea. I’m so glad that you followed it .. so important when it comes to our children, isn’t it? Thanks so much for stopping by. I will return the favor. 🙂
This is so beautiful and important. I have had those moments when I didn’t listen to my gut. It never goes well.
{Melinda} I agree. I always regret when I don’t follow my instincts … and yet I continue to question them! Crazy.
Thanks so much for stopping by!
Yes.
For me the hardest part is being centered enough to tell the difference between the voice that is anxiety and the voice that is my true gut.
#SITSSharefest
{Melinda} This is such a good point, Jenni! I tend to be anxiety-prone, so I too have trouble with determining if it’s really a wise feeling or if it’s just my anxiety kicking up. I pray. alot. 🙂
I just finished reading The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker for my strength challenge – attempting to be stronger in my 50th year. He recommends trusting our intuition – in most cases our gut senses the truth before our conscious brain has the opportunity to assess the situation. If your gut has been right in the past – like yours has been – trust it. It knows the truth. It sounds as though you are on your way. This is such a strong post thanks for sharing it.
{Melinda} Thank you … I think God gave it to us to keep us from harm. But it can take a while to learn to listen to it instead of all the more “rational” voices that tend to drown it out.
Visiting from SITS, I completely agree, sometimes your gut is the best indicator, a mom just knows sometimes
{Melinda} “A mom just knows” … so true! Thank you so much for stopping by, Dana. I will return the favor. 🙂
That must have been such a hard time for you. I think the best advice I’ve ever received from another mom was to just trust your gut. We know our kids best. I remember my pediatrician telling me when my oldest was a baby that I had a good instinct and to listen to it. It meant so much to me! We have it. We just need to listen to it.
{Melinda} Yes, I always say doctors know medicine — and that’s so important — but we know our children better than anyone. And we know when something isn’t right even if the doctor can’t “see” it. Thanks so much for stopping by, Jennifer… I will return the favor. 🙂
Oh this is such a great post Melinda!! Bless your heart… I was clenching my teeth through reading about your long sleepless agonizing nights. (You know that was my life too- just different issues) Thank GOD you did finally trust your gut!! I get it. I have been praying about my Momtor post and it’s amazing that I was going to write about this very topic. Well there that goes!!! HA! Hmm.. on to plan B. Oh wait- I don’t have one! May be a little late getting it to you now!!!
{Melinda} I know you understand, Chris … I think experience like this bring things out in you that you didn’t know you had.
I absolutely agree! That gut feeling is usually right. And if it’s not, it usually doesn’t hurt anything by following it. I’ve had more times I’ve wished I’ve followed my gut than times I wished I hadn’t. And for the record, my kids are grown and gone. I have LOTS of experience on this. Trust your gut!
{Melinda} Love hearing from your voice of experience, Patty. That means so much to those of us still “in the trenches.”
Oh Melinda, my heart hurts just thinking about what you went through! I’m so thankful that God sent you THE Kathy just when you needed her the very most.
Our very best mothering instincts come when we listen to the Holy Spirit. I wish that was easier to do… sometimes I wish God would speak to me in a big booming “narrator voice” from the sky rather than nudging me in the momma gut.
{Melinda} Me, too, Susan! Sometimes I just hate “subtle” leadings. But then I realize that I have to draw closer to Him to hear that “still, small voice.” And that is always to my benefit!
I am so glad that you (finally) got some answers. Yes, there really is a mother’s instinct and it is there forever. It is so important to follow it, although hard to know when you are a young mother. Thank goodness this site and others helps moms who may be experiencing similar situations connect.
{Melinda} Raquel, yes, you are so right … as a young mom, especially, it is hard to feel confident in what your gut is telling you. I think connecting with other moms — and breaking the isolation — is so important!
Hi Melinda! This is good information for all aspects of our life. You are so right about he Holy Spirit being with us always and it shows up in our gut. We just know. I am so glad that despite your childhood, you trusted your gut & your son was diagnosed and taken care of. A lot of times we don’t go with our gut on small things and end up kicking ourselves. This is a reminder to trust ourselves in our day to day walk on the affairs that are small and large. Thanks for sharing!
{Melinda} You are welcome … and you are right, it does apply to things beyond mothering, for sure! I have to remind myself to do this all the time. When I depend on my own wisdom outside of the Holy Spirit, I’m headed for trouble. Thanks so much for stopping by!
I so agree with you! A mother often instinctually knows that something is wrong! I had something similar happen to me when my youngest was 1…he kept having episodes that looked like seizures and he would stop breathing and turn blue…he was pale as a ghost. The doctors could not find anything wrong with him…they were looking for epilepsy…and it turned out to be a wheat allergy! I was a mess…and it wasn’t until my husband called our doctors office and asked them if our old pediatrician (retired) could give me a call and she said to me “trust your instinct…what haven’t they tested for?” that we decided together that I needed to go have allergy testing done!
{Melinda} I’m so glad you were tenacious. Doctors know medicine, but we know our own child better than anyone. They are smart to listen to us. And we’re smart to keep pursuing something when it just doesn’t “feel right.” Glad you got the answers you needed!
This is a beautiful post. It is so honest and real. We are so glad you found the answers you needed. It must have been so hard to feel like you weren’t being heard.-The Dose Girls
{Melinda} Thank you, girls. It’s a time that I still have a hard time looking back on. Thankfully, he is 13 now and is doing great. Playing baseball and flirting with girls. Pretty normal. 🙂 We just have to work harder each day to keep him that way.
I agree 100% with this post! It is because of this “mama gut” that I have been working to find out what exactly is going on with my middle kid and his learning issues. It’s because of this “mama gut” that we were able to find out my oldest has a thyroid disorder and get him on meds. That’s not all of it, but that’s a beginning, and I’m sure it will aid me so much more in the years to come! I am grateful for it, even when my “mama gut” tells me things I really would rather not hear…Thankfully, God offers His peace along with such revelations. 🙂 Without Him, who knows where I’d be!
Thanks for another great article! It is so nice to know I’m not the only one who struggles with trusting my instincts, but knows that God gave them to me for a reason, so I should…especially when they are red flag worthy!
{Melinda} I love that “God offers His peace along with such revelations.” He certainly did that for me in Micah’s case … a peace that passes all understanding. And He’s done it over and over again since then. He is patient and merciful. Far more than I deserve!
Me, too, Melinda, me, too! 🙂
My heart breaks just thinking of the anguish and the “unknowing” you went through, but thank you for using your experience to encourage us (as always). The older I get the more I rely on the Holy Spirit to guide me. It never fails to give me the strength I need.
xo
{Melinda} I get into trouble when I forget to ask Him for guidance and go on my own “common sense.” Which often doesn’t make as much sense as I think it does! 🙂
I can totally relate to this. Night after night of Nico coughing and no medicine working had my gut working in overdrive. Never did I think it was what it was but my gut told me something was wrong. Every single time I have taken my kids to the ER, it turned out to be something. My gut has never failed me when it comes to my kids and being sick. It has however failed me when it comes to my own personal goals or happiness. I just don’t trust it at all and second guess everything. I need to get me a Kathy.
{Melinda} I still struggle to listen to my gut, AnnMarie. It’s a daily process. I prayed for a Kathy for YEARS. And finally, in His perfect timing, I got one. 🙂 Wish I was close enough to be your Kathy. Although there really is only one Kathy. 😉
Oh. I can so imagine the trauma of thinking something was wrong in your gut but trying to listen to the “reasonable” voices around you. Great post. Now, where exactly can I purchase a Kathy? =)
{Melinda} Yes, sometimes the “reasonable” voices don’t know anything! And, I’m sorry, Kathy is a one-of-a-kind model, but there are other really good ones out there! 🙂