One day it just hit me. “I’m too smart to be doing laundry all the time.”
“This is useless. I am better than this. I need to do something else.”
I actually voiced these thoughts to a very close friend. What a mistake. She was very close to me, remember? She didn’t hesitate in responding, “Well, then I must be an idiot. I do it all the time. I don’t mind it. It sort of comes with being a mom.”
Touché.
Have I ever told you how I don’t like it when people that I love are right? The line from The Blind Side comes to mind when Leigh Anne Tuohy admits her loving husband Sean was right and he responds with,
“Excuse me? ‘You’re right’? How’d those words taste coming out of your mouth?”
“Like vinegar,” she responds.
Laundry still tastes like vinegar to me.
But here’s the kicker– It wasn’t going away. It wasn’t going to get washed, dried, folded and put away (ok, maybe just the first three) by itself. I was the mom at home.
It was my job——
for now. But not forever.
Most of mothering is reflected in those five words. The work of mothering needs to be done “for now. But not forever.”
When you feel that you are missing out on life or not fulfilling,
that you should some how be doing more,
that you should be doing something else,
look at your kids when they are sleeping. Look at them and know that it is “for now. But not forever.”
For now….
try to make peace with what blessings God has given you….
find purpose in the good work of motherhood…. it’s noble and you know it. It’s time to embrace it more.
Keep your other dreams and aspiration for when now is over and next begins.
They aren’t going anywhere, your dreams. Your kids are going everywhere, all the time,
but not forever.
God’s promise of life on this earth is similar. It is for now. But not forever. I have choices of how to spend both my now and my forever. My prayer is that I spend both with our Lord. It’s what I was created to do. That and be a wife and mother.
Will you join me?
We can support each other through our nows as moms, making our forevers easier to see.
We can help each other through encouragement and ministering to one another when we are in need.
We can change our perspective of our dreams and ambitions to be God’s and not our own.
What is one way you can view your dreams and ambitions in a different light while tending to the tasks of mothering?
30 Comments
You hit the nail right on the head it’s not forever. Reading your post gave me a flashback to when my four children were small. The laundry was never ending – plus I didn’t like ironing then and that hasn’t changed over the years.
Don’t laugh but I actually miss those years now my children are all grown but I notice they still don’t volunteer to do any ironing.
{Kathy} I believe it, Rosemary! I have only had one leave for college and when he did, it felt strange. The other 3 are still here producing their fair share of laundry. Ironing and I have never really liked each other. I have said that if I ever won the lottery I would pay someone a hefty salary to do my laundry. Some day I realize I will miss the activity in my house.
This is a wonderful perspective. Sometimes it helps me to remind myself that my mom did the laundry for a family of seven when I was little. I just do mine and my two kids’ laundry and that feels mountainous. I started do my own laundry at about 13. I had been yelling around the house for a shirt I needed that was in the dirty pile and my mom yelled back, “You want it?! You wash it.” Ever since then, I have.
{Kathy} Oooo I think I am stealing that line. One of my favorite responses I gave to one of my teenage boys when they were complaining that they couldn’t find something and it was somehow my responsibility to locate it was, “Excuse me. Do you know where my black lace panties are?”
“No, that’s ridiculous, mom. Why would I know where your black lace panties are?”
“That is why it is insane that you would think I know the GPS location of any of your possessions as well. Find it yourself, please.”
Life is in phases, and there is a blessing like no other from our mothering job. Enjoy each phase makes it easier and knowing God walks with us and through us makes it very reassuring.
Thanks for this encouragement!
{Kathy} Ugochi, thanks for the feedback! I completely agree with you that the phases of mothering come and go but God’s grace is infinite.
You have no idea how much I needed to read this right now! I left my career in December to become a stay at home mom, and sometimes I really question if I made the right choice. Thank you for giving a voice to my feelings!
Visiting from the ShareFest, and I will be subscribing!
{Kathy} Congratulations on your extremely brave choice. Your feelings may be all over the map over the next few months, however you will have moment after moment of time with your children which will affirm you. They can be really small things like, “I’m glad I’m here to get the juice cups” to “Whoa! I am sure glad I’m here. I would have missed that!”
What an awesome post!!! Guess what? I am after you in SITS Sharefest… and guess what? This THIS is the only post I haven’t read from you…somehow missed it during the blurry week. Funny eh? Apparently, I needed to read this. Oh yes I DID. Thank you for being God’s voice. 🙂
{Kathy} Chris—that is awesome. Thanks for the feedback. And yes, that is weird that you didn’t see it. I feel like I came out of the laundry closet on this one. The funny thing is that ever since I wrote and published it, I have had a wee bit more motivation to get all the laundry done around here.
Wonderful post! Thanks for the thoughtful words & reminders of the joys of motherhood. I always try to remember this as I go through my days serving my little ones. They make me a stronger person!
{Kathy} Thanks Karyn. I appreciate your feedback. Really. Having a servant’s heart while you are taking care of your little ones is hard to maintain sometimes. I am forever grateful that God grants me grace when I fail here and everywhere. It’s Saturday morning now, and what is on my mind? Laundry–where is it and how do I conquer it. Viewing it as blessing my family is probably better than treating it like Mount Everest, ya think?
What a great reminder. I don’t know if I’ve put words to what you write about the laundry, but I know I’ve felt it. One of the ways I have to remind myself of God’s plan for me as a mom is to post verses around the house (by the changing table, kitchen sink, mirror, etc) reminding me of God’s care, his plan, his goodness, etc. I need God’s promises surrounding me to help me fight the inevitable selfishness that creeps in daily, no hourly.
{Kathy} I love the idea of posting verses around the house. Selfishness is a beast. It can be hard to fight as a mom when you are giving all you have to the people around you. I found it difficult to draw the line between self-care and selfishness. As I have gotten older (a little) I find myself understanding the difference much better.
LOVE this! If I can view what I am doing through God’s eyes, that is a step in the right direction when it comes to how I am viewing all that I am doing. That includes doing laundry, making lunches, washing what seems like the never-ending pile of dishes which means emptying the dishwasher–over and over again. No, it’s not forever and that is so important to remember. This is all part of the work and the blessing that God has called for us at this time….if I can be more God focused through it, instead of self-focused, my clothes won’t just be white and beautiful, but so will my attitude and spirit. Motivating and convicting words…thank you!
{Kathy} Wow, Linda. I loved what you said about “my clothes won’t just be white and beautiful….”. I think as moms, especially American ones, we don’t grow up with the value of spiritual reflection obtained through mundane tasks. Monks and Sisters have been doing this for centuries and we as moms have no less of a vocation we have committed to God. Thank you for visiting. I am headed over to your site now.
I think I have learned that God’s timing is perfect and as I (as best as I can) keep my eyes focussed on him he won’t give me more outside of the home ministry than isn’t healthy. I am not seeking it but taking what he gives. If it doesn’t happen in a day then it shouldn’t and I need the constant reminder to stop, listen, look and kiss my babies more!! Thanks guys!
{Kathy} Little ones remind us on an hourly basis how important we are. God’s timing is certainly not ours, is it? The more children I had, the more I realized that we are just fancy vehicles for His love.
I would gladly do laundry all the time if it meant I was a mother. I’m hoping my being without children is a for now thing and not a forever thing. 🙂
{Kathy} Ashley, thank you for reminding us that by even having a lot of laundry our houses are full of blessings. May God bless you some day with little laundry makers! Peace.
This is a great post. I actually strongly dislike doing the laundry and I stiff haven’t figured it out. I work outside the home and doing laundry on the weekend consumes the entire weekend. I’ve tried doing multiple loads during the week, but after working and getting kids situated, I’m too pooped. But thank God, as you stated, it’s for now, not forever. I just hope that the closeness and admiration my kids have for me is for now AND forever. Great post!
{Kathy} I used to pile all of my laundry on top of a very large ping pong table which was situated just as you walked in my house. It wasn’t pretty. A 2 foot tall pile seemed to just stay there at all times. I once asked my oldest son who was pilfering through the pile looking for clothes, “I’m so sorry. I have probably scarred you for life with all this mess.” He looked at me like I was crazy….He really didn’t care. He just wanted his underwear. We have to realize that our approval from our kids accrues over YEARS not moments. And I am with you….it can be now and forever. Peace. Thanks for visiting.
YES! Whenever I feel that way (and it does happen…yes it does) I remind myself that there were monotonous things about practicing medicine, too. It’s true of every job, no matter how intellectual stimulating or important. So, too, of motherhood, even though it’s a very important and wonderful gig. And the fact that we can all feel that way sometimes, helps! –Lisa
{Kathy} Since my husband is a physician, I can vouch for the monotonous work of medicine. We often compare laundry to medical charts that need to be reviewed and signed off. We both have very important gigs. He, thankfully, recognizes the struggle that I have with mundane tasks and helps me on occasion. I was his office manager for 3 years which helped me understand his struggles, too.
Thanks for commenting. It’s always great to hear from you.
I love this post AND Susan’s idea of printing it out for the laundry room! I actually LOVE laundry (I’m so weird like that). It makes me think of my great-grandmother, my Nonna, who would soak, whiten, hand-wash, and line-dry with such focus … no little detail got past her … and she made it look like some well-choreographed dance. She was the the epitome of Mother Teresa’s “Do small things with great love.” I try to keep that in mind when I’m doing a chore I don’t otherwise enjoy. xo
{Kathy} Laundry as a well-choregraphed dance….then I am certainly doing the Funky Chicken. People that find extreme fulfillment in mundane details are my heroes. Mother Teresa being one of them.
I think I may print this out, frame it, and hang it in my laundry room. Wonderful perspective.
{Kathy} Susan, that makes me a happy mom. Pardon me while I switch loads……
Just don’t lose the socks! 🙂 Have a great day.