We are so thrilled to have Stephanie Shott of The M.O.M. Initiative sharing with us today! If you haven’t checked out Stephanie’s blog, get over there pronto! She and her team have such amazing wisdom and guidance for moms of all ages. Thank you for sharing with us today, Stephanie!
There she was, frantically fidgeting with her cell…constantly checking for the last email, latest text and newest Facebook post from her friends.
Her family was the last thing on her mind and they seemed to be feeling frustrated, let down and left out.
But, she was far too busy with her virtual world to be fully present in her real world.
She’s a dangerously distracted and disengaged mom.
Yeah…I know. You may have been thinking this was about a teenage girl who had become addicted to all things tech. The kind of girl we all worry about because she is known to text while driving, is consistently oblivious to the conversation others are having with her, and is completely unaware of the ‘real life’ that is taking place right before her eyes.
But this isn’t about the teenage daughter – it’s about her dangerously distracted and disengaged momma.
Maybe you’ve seen her in the store or at the bank. Perhaps she is one of your dearest friends…or maybe she is you.
In a world where we are more connected than ever, we are also less connected than we’ve ever been.
Navigating the “Tech Trap” and the social media mania that has captivated the hearts of this generation is seemingly just as difficult for moms as it is for the children they are raising.
Social media and technology are great assets that have made life easier for all. We’ve met people we would have never met. We have more information at our fingertips now than when a family’s idea of the information highway was a complete set of the Encyclopedia Britannica and a Webster’s Dictionary.
But technology seems to have complicated things. What was meant to make life easier has captivated the hearts and minds of mommas who already have a ton of things to do.
It’s a dangerous thing when moms are more connected to their friends on Facebook than they are with their kids. And when children aren’t able to garner their momma’s attention, there is a world out there that will gladly do it for them.
So, what’s a momma to do when she may be just as addicted to social media as her children?
Here are 3 simple tips to help moms escape the dangers of the tech trap:
1. Be Present When You Are Present
It sounds so simple, yet it’s such a moment-by-moment choice. When you’re with your children, be with them. Moms can help their children discover the lost art of conversation by choosing to converse with their kids rather than constantly grabbing their phones. In a tech-driven world, we are in danger of losing those sweet, character-building, memory-making family times when we laugh together, cry together and just enjoy each other’s presence. Commit to being present when you are present.
2. Limit Your Own Tech Time as Well as Theirs
Teach them by example that you own a cell phone and that the cell phone doesn’t own you. Designate specific tech times when check your email, talk on the phone and check out the latest Facebook posts. Do what works for your family, but an idea that might help is to make the hour before and after dinner a tech-free time. Cook together and talk about each other’s day. After dinner, they can help with the dishes and begin working on homework. Depending on their age, you may want to limit their tech time to a short time in the evenings, after you’ve had family time and their homework is done. Set the example by limiting yourself and you’ll help them develop discipline and priorities in their own lives.
3. Periodically Unplug
Let’s face it, we all survived before cell phones and computers. They are modern conveniences that we don’t actually need. Choose specific times when everyone in the family unplugs for a short period of time. When you take a family vacation, it’s a great time for the whole family to unplug. When you find yourselves more preoccupied with Facebook than you are with spending time playing games, laughing, crying or just hanging out with the kiddos, then you might need to unplug for a few days and focus on those sweet little ones who may not realize it, but still desperately need your attention. Remember, the purpose of unplugging as a family isn’t in order to punish anyone, it’s to help the whole family refocus on the real life relationships that matter most.
It’s not easy being a momma in a modern world where life seems to get in the way of living. Moms are busier than ever trying to be all and do all and feeling like they’re drowning under the weight of their ‘to-do’ lists.
But when moms intentionally minimize their tech time, they are freeing up their lives to be fully present for their kids and escaping the tech trap that has captivated them, as well.
How about you, sweet mom? Have you struggled with being captivated by the computer? Which tips will help you most? Which tip would be hardest? What are some ways you are purposefully present for your children?
Stephanie Shott is founder and author of The M.O.M. Initiative. She is a pastor’s wife, mom of two adult sons, abuela (grandma), writer, speaker and Bible teacher who loves Jesus like crazy and loves ministering to the hearts of women. After a decade of childhood abuse and years of wandering in the wilderness of foolish choices, Jesus reached down and saved this girl with a bad past and a bleak future. Now she uses her places of pain as a platform of praise as she leads women to trust God in troubled times and live a life of significance. You can find out more about her or book her for your next event by visiting www.stephanieshott.com.
12 Comments
I so agree! And the thing is, it sneaks up on you. My daughter got me started on this iPhone game and it quickly got to be something I reached for every time I was idle. I was sitting in the living room with the grandkids (3-1/2 and 2) and playing the game. They didn’t need me — they just wanted me in there – but I quickly discovered they don’t like it when I’m doing something else. They want me to sit there and do nothing but watch them. Sometimes Ivy takes the phone like she’s going to play the game but she just sets it down – away from me. And I’ve noticed I’ve been texting and things more where I used to ignore the phone when they were here. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until the other day. That’s what I mean – it sneaks up on you.
Patty, you’re SO right…it just sneaks up on you. I find myself reaching for the phone all the time and realized recently that I was going to have to discipline myself to just enjoy the moment. Not easy, but doable. 🙂
Thank you SO MUCH for having me today! I LOVE this site and I love your hearts to minister to moms!
{Melinda} You are so welcome! Thank you so much for being here … you and The MOM Initiative are such blessings!
Thank you for this post. I have recently felt convicted on this issue. I actually down graded from a smart phone to the old no Internet, flip phone. I could not have made a better change. Although it’s nice to be able to ‘google’ when ever I want or to check facebook, I was spending way too much time on the phone. In the week that it has been gone I have found that I am much more patient with my kids, I am more present and that their ‘acting out’ has decreased! Plus I have not missed that silly phone at all and have LOVE the extra time with them!!! (not to mention I am saving money, about $300 a year!)
Leigh Anne, I LOVE that you did that! My kids are grown, but if they lived at home, I would have had to do the same thing. It would help me be more present and focused and I love that, as you pointed out…you save money in the process! 🙂
I have become very passionate about this topic. I have a 3 year old, twin 19 month olds and baby #4 is due in May. NOW is the time for me to be focused and present! I tried to do the “I will only check Facebook at this time” or “I will turn the phone off from this time to this time” It didn’t work. We are raising a whole generation of kids who are being ignored by their parents because of technology. It is so sad. There is no judgment here- I was totally one! I just want more moms to see it and to do something about it before its too late!!
Leigh Ann,
I definitely think we need to navigate the technology age very carefully or we risk the loss of the real life relationships God has blessed us with. Thanks so much for sharing your heart! You echo a concern we all should have. We may find out what the next post on Facebook is, but we may lose out on a very important opportunity to have an important conversation with our kids. 🙂
I am constantly convicted of this distraction and my kids remind me DAILY to dis-engage with the computer/phone and engage with them. I set some boundaries around it, but often find myself slipping when a text comes through or I haven’t finished the work I need to on my blog… It is a constant battle. I must work harder to focus on truly what is important and cherished more than any text, blog post or FB update. Thank you for this reminder!!!
Chris,
It’s such a constant battle. Especially when you write or do other things that keep you on the computer. It’s not only a daily thing we struggle with, but even moment-by-moment! Glad it encouraged you! 🙂
Dose of Reality,
You brought up some really great points! Those of us who write are on the computer constantly. It’s so easy to let it consume your time! We definitely need to watch that and be intentional with our time.
And Pinterest! Oh goodness! I didn’t even mention the Pinterest addiction! Thanks for sharing that! 🙂
Great points. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in technology and social media and overlook the fact that you are missing out on what’s right in front of you. I don’t get that way over FB, Pinterest, or Twitter, but I do spend a great deal of time in front of the computer for the blog…and that bleeds into family time frequently. I’ve got to watch that.