Right now, my husband is working out at the gym alone.
With the membership that we got together. Spotting us at the gym together since then has been about as likely as finding an empty laundry basket at my house.
Yes, at first, I made a good attempt, as I always do … for the first month.
I start out with a rock-solid commitment. And before you can say non-refundable membership deposit, my non-steel buns are planted firmly on the couch instead of on a stationary bike. The only thing that’s immovable is me.
Here’s the problem. After running on the treadmill for an hour, no one is gaping at my toned thighs. And three weeks of lifting weights doesn’t even build enough muscle to beat my 12-year-old son at arm wrestling.
Squishy abs and flabby arms don’t transform overnight. And I like to see results. I’m a “show me the money” kind of girl. I want to feel like all my time and effort is producing tangible, noticeable results.
I want people to say, “Wow. Why you look fabulous, Melinda! I can really tell you’ve been working out.”
Guess what? I have the same problem in mothering.
I want to be able to see the fruit of my labor. The time and money spent on hours of math tutoring should make my child a Mathlete, right? Loving my child and setting boundaries through a particularly difficult and long stretch of adolescent rebellion will eventually give way to remorse and a better relationship, won’t it?
Maybe. Maybe not. There are no guarantees. On some days, I have been so discouraged by my inability to achieve certain mothering results that I’ve temporarily waved the white flag and stayed in bed.
So how do we keep fighting exhausting and gutwrenching battles when victory never seems to come?
Here’s a few principles that have helped me keep running the race when I can’t see the finish line:
Results aren’t my job. I have a responsibility to teach and guide my children as I ask for God’s leading. But I can’t control how they respond to my instruction. Ouch. Like me, they have free will. And many times, they will freely disobey. I have to trust that God can use everything — even their unwise detours and mistakes — for their ultimate good.
Perspective is priceless. Just today I was thinking about a time when my daughter was all tomboy. She hated pink and refused to wear anything but basketball shorts and sloppy T-shirts. Now, I can’t keep her out of the mall. There was a time during middle school that I thought we’d never have a conversation without conflict. Now, we can genuinely enjoy each other’s company. When you are in the middle of a difficult season, it is nearly impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It helps me to think back to those other times that seemed to never end and remember that, in fact, they did.
I’m responsible for my own contentment. When I allow my kids’ progress, behavior or choices to determine how I feel from day-to-day or moment-to-moment, I’m on shaky ground. I have to choose to anchor my confidence in the only Person who is truly unchangeable.
I may not make it to the gym anytime soon, but I’m determined to flex my mothering muscles and run the race with perseverance.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1
11 Comments
“I have a responsibility to teach and guide my children as I ask for God’s leading. But I can’t control how the respond to my instruction.”
This is EXCELLENT advice… and offers freedom for moms! Thanks for the reminder!
{Melinda} So difficult to remember I can’t control responses! It definitely keeps me dependent on God and that is the best place to be.
Thanks so much for stopping by, Carey! 🙂
Ah yes. YES!! We must find the strength and perseverance in our mission as mothers through Him and not the “outcome”. SO true!! Oh if it were easy, if those outcomes were all exactly as planned… but it rarely is. Letting go and trusting that all we can do is the best we can do. Free will. Perspective. Strength. Prayer. And knowing our mission is about giving and giving and giving…
{Melinda} My temptation is to want a “mothering spreadsheet.” I put in this many hours and their attitude improved by 17% … ! It’s crazy. I have to continually release them to their Creator and trust He knows best how to reach their hearts and direct their journeys.
As I was reading your post, it was as though a lightbulb went off in my head. That is exactly how I am feeling. Tangible results aren’t available to me but that is far from the truth that I am still doing things right.
{Melinda} I’m so glad it spoke to you, Tristi. I think we’ve been conditioned to think that if we aren’t seeing results than we must be doing something wrong. That is such a lie and is so discouraging. It took me a long time to realize that I have to do what is right, regardless of how my children react. I have to trust God to work on their hearts.
Thanks so much for stopping by! 🙂
“Results aren’t my job.” And there’s the revelation and the rub. We are to do what is right because it is right, not because it will yeild results. Ouch! I have the same trouble doing things without results at times. I have to remind myself that right is right, no matter if you do it alone or if you don’t see the results this side of Heaven. It isn’t always easy, sometimes I fail, but it’s what I keep working on. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this! It spoke to my Mommy-heart. 🙂
{Melinda} I’m so glad, Julie. 🙂 I think of the verse that says to do all we do as unto the Lord, and not for men. We are to be obedient without expecting certain outcomes. That is SO hard for me to accept. And yet it is freeing. I’m free to be faithful and release outcomes to Him.
I couldn’t agree more! 🙂
I just love the “results aren’t my job” section. Reminds me that my role is laying a good foundation for The Boy—and to cover him in prayer. Thank you for this oh-so-true reminder! xo
{Melinda} Yes, laying the foundation. What they do with it is up to them. Sounds simple, right? So much more difficult to remember on a day-to-day basis, isn’t it? 🙂