mixing up our mothering recipe

We could count on it every Christmas.

My mother-in-law’s famous, homemade Chex party mix. “Nana” had made it every year since my husband was a little boy. He can’t remember a Christmas without it. She always used the same canister. She never strayed from her same recipe. Even on the holidays we weren’t together, we could always count on a huge package of it delivered to our doorstep.

Until this year. The canister was empty. No package greeted us at the doorstep.

In February, Nana contracted a viral brain infection. Physically, she’s still with us. But, overnight, she ceased being the tennis-playing, Chex-mix making, vibrant woman we all knew and loved.

Still, my husband was not willing to see the party mix tradition die. A few nights ago, he found the recipe, made a rather lengthy trip to the grocery store, rolled up his sleeves and got to work.

As he began to put all the ingredients together, he decided to make some changes.

“I never liked the pretzels.”

“And I always thought it would taste better with cashews.”

He continued to “tweak” the formula throughout the process. What he ended up with was still delicious, but uniquely his own. He also gained a new respect for his all his mother’s hard work.

Mothering is similar. We were all handed down a recipe. We find some elements of it that are worth repeating. But other aspects may not suit our family, our values or the personalities of our children. Over the years, we usually realize that coming up with a winning mothering formula isn’t as easy as it looks.

I’m so thankful that we can always choose to make our mothering recipe our own. We can make changes as we go — incorporating the lessons we’ve learned and the wisdom we’ve earned along our mothering journey.

Here’s a few tweaks I plan to make to my mothering recipe this year:

More grace. Mainly for myself. I’ve come a long way, but I still fight my nasty habit of assuming blame for circumstances that are out of my control. It leads to self-condemnation — and this is never productive for my mothering. Day-by-day, I’m going to take responsibility for what I need to and make a choice to let. the. rest. go.

Less fear. Each day, I pray for God to give me wisdom to fill in the gaps where I fall short. I ask Him to work in my children’s lives, to use their weaknesses, challenges and mistakes to bring them closer to Him. This year, I’m not just going to say the words. I’m going to TRUST Him to do just that.

More perspective. On Christmas Eve, tension was high in my house. That happens with teenagers — and their mothers. All my expectations for a wonderful holiday suddenly came crashing down. Christmas was surely ruined. But then a new day dawned, along with the promise of reconciliation. Sometimes the difference between hope and despair is a good night’s sleep and the grace of a certain Christmas Savior. His mercies are new every morning.

How do you plan to tweak your mothering recipe this year?