I felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart.
My daughter Molly and her friends were sitting at the kitchen table talking about what they wanted for Christmas when one of her friends asked, “Do you guys get anything for your parents for Christmas?”
Molly: Yea, well I used to, but I don’t anymore.
Friend: I never have enough money to buy anything good anyway.
Molly: Well, one year, I saved up my allowance and I picked out a candle that was MY MOM’S favorite color and a calendar that I thought she’d like and she NEVER used them!
Me: I used the candle!
Molly: Nooooooo, you didn’t!
I opened the cupboard and took it down to prove my point. Oops.
Molly: See?! I told you so!
Me: Well, I meant to.
Molly: I tried SO hard and you didn’t even appreciate it. So, now I don’t even try.
Okay, I think I was being given a bit of a teenage guilt trip, but I still felt a deep pang in my heart. Now that Molly is racing toward 18, I realize how fleeting the time is that I have with my kids. And how those sweet, parent-pleasing gestures become few and far between.
What kind of a mother wouldn’t see the thought and love that went into those gifts?
Why didn’t I value her heartfelt gift of time and love THEN the way I suddenly do now?
I told her I was sorry I didn’t show her and her gifts the appreciation I should have back then (I think she was 9 at the time). We ended up laughing about it.
But I have to wonder if we’ll be having a similar conversation in a few years – only in reverse. I have a feeling that one day she’ll come to me and ask me to forgive her for not fully appreciating the gifts her dad and I gave her – time, sacrifice, discipline, guidance. She’ll feel regret for not understanding the love and thought that went into the decisions we made and boundaries we set. And, in hindsight, we’ll even be able to laugh about it (please tell me we’ll be able to laugh about it).
Maybe some gifts are more fully appreciated – not at the moment that they’re given – but from the rearview mirror, with a little time and perspective.
I’ll try to keep that in mind the next time one of my “gifts” doesn’t seem to get the gratitude it deserves.
12 Comments
We just had a birthday party at my house. I always hold my breath when my child is opening presents. I worry that she’ll be rude or uninterested. Thankfully she liked all the presents AND felt loved each time someone gave her something. Phew!
You hope that these things are sinking in….but it’s always nice when it goes down right.
-Jill
{Melinda} We hope we’ve taught them right, but ultimately we have little control over their reactions. That is what makes mothering so hard as they get older, isn’t it?!
Excellent post. I think we all take things for granted and don’t quite realize what we have or what we were given until much later- true of adults and kids!
{Melinda} It is true! I’m trying to learn to enjoy and appreciate those moments more — at the time. 🙂
My sister did something similar to me when I was a kid (didn’t appreciate something I gave her) and it really stung. Kids are so sensitive and observant. I’ll have to keep this in mind when my little one is older.
{Melinda} Yes, they are so much more sensitive than we think. And they can interpret things so differently than what we intended.
Thanks for sharing this! Great reminder to never overlook or not show full appreciation to the displays of love from our children … for us there are things that might seem not as important in the moment but they are sharing their hearts with us…
{Melinda} So true, Paloma. I didn’t realize that sometimes until they got a little older. I’ve learned to treasure each one now.
That inspires me to use the candles my kids gave me before it’s too late! 🙂
{Melinda} Yes, even if you don’t like the smell, it’s better than the smell of regret! 🙂
Yeah…gifts are more appreciated overtime, not at that moment but at the rearview mirror. Is the thought that counts after all 🙂
{Melinda} It sometimes takes time to appreciate the sacrifice that went into the gifts we receive.