My son’s socks have a short shelf life.
About half make it to the laundry basket. Of those, a precious few survive the black hole that is my laundry room.
Perhaps they’re the lucky ones. The “survivors” are usually a sorry, mismatched bunch. Micah puts them on and toes stick out everywhere. He wears out the heels and gets blisters. At least we live in a warm climate where socks, for the most part, are optional.
Sometimes I feel like my mothering can be like one of Micah’s holey socks.
Something is missing.
I see it every time I watch one of my kids struggle in a situation.
I sense it sometimes when I’m addressing something important with one of them and I realize I should have been having that discussion a lot earlier — and a lot more often.
I’m sure of it each time I see a weakness in my kids and worry about how it might hurt them.
In five short years, my children will be gone from my house. No longer in the “under-my-roof ” realm where they reside right now.
When it happens, it’s going to leave a huge hole in my heart.
But I worry that they’ll leave my house with some holes, too.
That I’ve left them without key instruction in critical areas.
That I’ve relied too heavily on others — church or Christian school — to nurture their integrity and love for God.
I worry that I’ve sometimes given them things that filled a need in myself, but has left them empty and ill-equipped.
And, the truth is, my worry is legitimate. I have done all of those things.
But I still have time. Each day I can choose to work on mending the holes. Here’s a few things that have helped:
1.) Claim responsibility. Over the years, I’ve lamented the lack of support. Longed for nearby family. Tried to find mentors for my children. But guess what? I can’t wait for someone else to show up. I have to show up and step it up — everyday. When I stand before God one day, only Mike and I will be held accountable for our children. No one else.
2.) Allow them to question. This one is scary. I know. But don’t panic when they begin to question their beliefs. Or our standards. As long as it’s done respectfully, I’ve found it can be a very good thing. That questioning allows us to more fully explain the “whys’ behind some of God’s rules. Look at it as an opportunity to teach. Instead of an opportunity for a heart attack.
3.) Don’t always cushion the fall. Pain motivates. Pain sparks change. It propels us to reach out to God. If we prevent pain in our children, it makes us feel better. But it may be opening the door to bigger heartache for them later on.
Ultimately, I won’t be able to mend all the holes. But I can keep pointing them toward their Heavenly Father.
Because He is the only one Who can make them truly whole.
16 Comments
Thank you for sharing this… Yes… I still have time! It’s important to not let those holes get bigger… and even harder to fix! HUGS!
{Melinda} Isn’t it comforting to know that we have new opportunities every day — every moment — to fill those holes the best we can? Hugs back to you! 🙂
yes, it’s hard to let them figuring out things for themselves, I want to always be there to make the world bright and wonderful, but know he has to learn on his own and exerirence on his own. I hope that his faith will help him in the right direction.
{Melinda} His faith definitely will do that, Karen. I take great comfort in knowing that the Holy Spirit is working inside my children in ways that I cannot.
That is so true. There are so many things I want to do for my sons and teach them, so they’re prepared when they leave my home someday. I do my best, but ultimately I have to place them in God’s hands.
Colleen, Just realized your comment went into my spam folder. So I’m sorry I’m just now responding! Yes, it is comforting to know that despite all my mistakes, God is still working. He is ultimately in their hands. And He’s a far better Parent that I am! 🙂
Oh my gosh Melinda #3 is the hardest for me! I have to force myself to not cushion and just be there in the aftermath! I am just trusting that God will clearly show them the life lesson and it will build their faith and character. 🙂
{Melinda} That one is the hardest for me, too, Paula!! I hate to see my kids in pain. But I’ve also experienced times where I’ve cushioned the pain and it only made it worse later. When I’m tempted to “cushion” (inappropriately) I think about those times. Off to read about your “huge blogging secret”! 🙂
Amen!! I recently wrote about similar “holes” in motherhood and how all the pebbles of our motherhood mission can be kicked off the path at times. BUT, the path is still visible! Thanking God for filling in the real holes and keeping us true to our path!!
{Melinda} Yes, Chris! I pray that God fills in the places in our children’s hearts that we as human moms have unintentionally created. We definitely want Him filling those gaps and not other people and things!
My kids are young, but I already worry about those holes. I don’t know everything, but here’s what I do know…
God is the perfect parent. He was the perfect father to the nation of Israel. But they still messed up and wandered around in the desert for a generation. Even with perfect parenting, the children wandered.
Ultimately, our children have to be accountable for their own lives. They each have to form their own relationship God and not be dependent on OUR relationship with God.
{Melinda} Yes, yes! My daughter is almost 16 and son is almost 13. I have learned that I am not responsible for her choices. They know what is right and wrong. They have been taught. They are old enough to be responsible for their choices and their own personal faith. I have the responsibility to continue to guide them while they are in my care, but they are choosing the people they want to become. You are SO right.
I’m still mothering very young children so I’m not entirely sure, but watching my six younger siblings grow up has shown me that there will always be holes. I mean, heck, I’m 32 years old and there is SO much I don’t know or understand. Only God can fix all of them, so I don’t think it’s right to worry too much about the few that are left when kids go off on their own. Life is a learning process, right?
{Melinda} Absolutely, Christa! We do what we can, but trust God to do what we cannot. Thank you so much for stopping by today!
Oh those holes! I worry about them endlessly. But I try to remind myself of all the holes I have, they are the source of faith growth. Still, I try to do what you suggest and you are lucky. We can’t keep track of socks around here, but we live in Michigan and need them.
{Melinda} Yes, I agree. God has used many “holes” in my life to grow my character and my faith. We want that for our children, too!