“You are beautiful.”
You could have heard a pin drop.
Every eye was riveted on the 20-something, handsome young man speaking at the podium.
He continued, “Let me say it again, ‘You are beautiful.’ And I want to be clear. If any boy does not respect you and your boundaries, they aren’t good enough for you. Period.”
It sounds like something a mother might say – should say. But coming from this young man, it had an especially entrancing — and hopefully lasting — effect on the middle school girls in the audience.
As part of a spring Mother/Daughter Bible Study at our church, I had asked our area’s Young Life Director to come and speak to the girls and moms about modesty.
He was blunt. He was direct. And he was tender. It was a devastating combination. “When you dress a certain way, you’re inviting a boy to see you as an object. He’s not interested in your personality, your character, all the things that make you, you,” he said. “And you are more than a body. You are beautiful – in ways that have nothing to do with how you look.”
Unfortunately, this is not the message our girls are getting today. Everywhere you look, girls and women are “objectifying” themselves. As the mom of a teenage girl, it can be downright depressing. No, maddening. It makes me mad. At the culture. And at my inability to completely protect her from its influence.
But mostly it makes me sad. Sad that so many girls don’t recognize their incredible value as creations of God. Because when we don’t recognize our value, we make foolish choices. We compromise. We settle. We borrow a lot of pain and trouble.
A while back, my daughter asked me what made her special. Specifically, she asked, “God thinks everyone’s special. How does that make me unique?”
What I told her was this: “You’re right. God does love everyone and think each of His creation is special. But there is only one Molly. He has a plan and a purpose for you that is like no one else’s in the world. I don’t want you to miss out on all that He wants to do with your life because you don’t recognize your incredible value.”
That is where true Girl Power comes from – their Creator and the many gifts, plans and unique qualities he entrusted to them alone.
Rather than focusing on the culture, which we can’t control, I’m encouraging you to focus on what you can control: the messages – and appropriate boundaries – you give to your daughters. Find mentors and experiences that reinforce them. Start early and stand firm. I’m right there with you on the front line. They will fight you. Bet on it.
But true Girl Power is too valuable to waste.
18 Comments
This was wonderful.
This was wonderful!
I think those words are more speial coming from a man, and I bet those girls listened. I have two daughters (16 & 22), and I bascially always told them the same thing. Luckily, both of my girls were born modest (they took afer their mother) and like to stay covered (in the areas that need to stay covered). Great post!
Stopping by SITS SHarefest!
{Melinda} Thanks so much for stopping by, Laura! You are very fortunate with your daughters, but I know that your influence made a big difference, too. It breaks my heart to see girls de-value themselves.
as mom to an only son, I worry about what he will find when he gets older. I try to show him a woman who is confident, strong, and loves herself…but will that be enough. I want him to find a woman that will love herself and not NEED him to confirm it with money or other means. I want him to find a woman who will be his partner.
{Melinda} I know a lot of moms who are working hard to raise good, godly girls. They may be harder to find, but you’re raising your boy to look for the right things in a girl. 🙂
This post has inspired me in so many ways. I want to find a mother/daughter bible study. If I can’t find one, I want to start one. And then I want that young gentleman to come and speak at it. 🙂 You have touched on one of my biggest concerns. My daughter valuing herself as God made her. I try but I worry that she just thinks it’s because I am her mom that I am saying what I say.
{Melinda} AnnMarie, I am so glad this inspired you! I couldn’t find a Mother/Daughter Bible Study, so that’s why I started one! 🙂 So maybe you could get something started at your church — even on a small scale to begin with. We split up and the daughters had time together with leaders and the moms had time together to discuss our concerns and share ideas. Moms need support SO much during the preteen/teen years — and it is hard to find.
Keep talking to her about her worth in God. You may think she’s not listening or believing it, but you’d be surprised. I’ve heard my daughter say things that tell me that she’s absorbing it, even when I haven’t thought she was at all. You’re a good mom. Keep going to your knees — the Holy Spirit always works in their hearts in ways we can’t.
Love, love, love this line the most of all I’ve read today:
Rather than focusing on the culture, which we can’t control, I’m encouraging you to focus on what you can control: the messages – and appropriate boundaries – you give to your daughters.
SO important.
{Melinda} Yes, even though all the bad stuff in the world seems overwhelming, we, as moms, can still have a tremendous amount of positive, godly influence over our girls — more than we think or use sometimes.
So glad you stopped by today!
I totally agree Melinda! Pouring positive direction into our daughters is so important. We have a similar program through our church to guide both girls and boys (separately) with Young Life leaders talking to them about decisions and choices. We could not have survived the teenage years without that support.
{Melinda} I’m so glad to hear that, Paula. There’s such a need for these kind of groups because the onslaught of plain gross, negative messages is completely overwhelming. Moms need all the reinforcements that can get!
Fighting along side you. Every day.
{Melinda} You truly don’t know how comforting that is, Laura. There is strength in numbers.
Agree!!! My eldest daughter has just turned 10 and it scares me. Some times I always want to be there to protect her. You’re right; Girl power IS to valuable to waste. Thanks for a great post!
{Melinda} You are right on the cusp of the age where society seems to really put on a target on our girls’ worth and dignity, Raquel. Don’t be scared, just educate yourself on what you’re up against and start having conversations now with your daughter about her worth and Who is comes from. Continue to work on keeping your relationship strong with lots of communication. Being proactive is key. I don’t think I was ready for what was to come and it made things so much harder.
Thanks so much for stopping by!