the power of showing unexpected grace to our kids

Rules are rules.

We’ve always been told how important consistency is in mothering. After all, let down the rules even a little and our kids smell weakness.

We’ve surely demolished all credibility and authority, right?

Unless we don’t. Unless now and then loosening up and showing grace in an area or situation is actually exactly what our child needs — more than our consistency and unbending rules.

When we seek God in our parenting, and we’re wise enough to follow His leading, He shows us those moments where grace and love should rule. 

I wish I could say I always do that. Often, I fail. But when we do follow His leading, we give our kids a glimpse of the grace and love God gives to us — even though we are unworthy and undeserving.

This has been a difficult week at our house. One of these weeks where you cringe when the phone rings because you just know it’s just another crisis — either big or small. 

My daughter, for a variety of reasons, has probably had the most stressful week of all of us. She has had one pressure-filled situation and crisis after another.

And it’s Homecoming Week of her Senior Year. A week she loves and looks forward to every year.

One of the things she loves the most is all the dress up days throughout the week — especially Character Day. 

But this week, because of all the craziness, she didn’t have time to find a costume until the last minute (one she borrowed from a friend the night before).

When she tried it on that morning, it didn’t fit right. There was no way she could wear it to school.

Given all the stress of the week, this was the breaking point. The moment she could handle no more.

She shut down for a while, unable to decide what to do. She was still in turmoil in her room 10 minutes before school was starting.

This is the point where I’d usually tell her to just do what she had to do to get out the door. I’d lecture (or yell) about the irresponsibility of being late. I’d impose a consequence.

But this time? This time she needed something different. This time she needed a mom who was willing to pull out some of her old Halloween costumes and try to help her find an alternate plan. One who added a little humor to the situation and kept calm.

After a few false starts, together, we found a way to quickly alter the costume she’d borrowed into something that worked and she felt cute in (very important). Which didn’t happen until about 20 minutes after the school bell rang.

But at that moment, it wasn’t about the costume. It wasn’t about being late. It was about a child who needed grace. Who needed to feel loved and understood during a really awful week.

It was what she — and our relationship — required more than rules.

When we show that kind of grace to our children, it inspires them to show it to others.

Because grace is often most powerful — and appreciated — when it shows up in unexpected places.

Where can you give your child some unexpected grace today? Ask God to open your eyes to where they need it?