It’s better left unsaid.
Growing up, that was generally the philosophy of my family.
It meant that all kinds of damaging family dysfunction was the big white elephant in the room. It was obvious to everyone, but no one was brave enough to say or do anything about it.
As much as I hated that as a child and teenager, I found myself — a people pleaser to the core — doing the same thing in my own family.
I smoothed over conflicts. Ignored problems, hoping they’d magically disappear. It worked for a while. But problems swept under the rug rarely stay there.
As my kids got older, these unaddressed problems began to manifest themselves in some destructive and painful ways.
I received a few brutal wakeup calls. I knew some things had to change. The first one was me. I had to address my own people pleasing problem. Until I confronted it, I wouldn’t have the perspective or the courage to help anyone else face their issues.
Gradually, as I got counseling and got stronger, I began to help my family address long-hidden issues that were threatening to destroy us.
This was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. At times, the pushback and denial was nearly more than I could bear. But I knew the health of my family depended on it.
Today, my family is far from perfect. We still have our issues that we’re working through. But at least they’re all on the table now.
I’ve heard it said many times, “You’re only as sick as your secrets.” I’ve found that to be so true. When problems are brought out in the open, the grip they have on us immediately begins to loosen. They certainly don’t disappear. However, the despair we once felt, is now replaced by hope. It may not be easy, but when we hit issues head-on, there’s a sense of relief. We aren’t alone. Things have the possibility of getting better.
The white elephant in the room can finally be shown the door.
Today’s Challenge: What issue with your kids or husband needs to be addressed? Are you bold and courageous enough to bring it into the light of day? The example this sets for your children and the freedom it will give your family is worth confronting your fear. God will give you the courage and wisdom you need.
