A few years ago, my son was on a search for identity.
We gave him the game “Guess Who?” for Christmas. It immediately became an obsession. In fact, it stayed set up in the middle of my family room for so long, I thought I might just have to work it into my decorating theme.
If you’re not familiar with “Guess Who?”, it’s a board game where each player chooses a character. The object is to be the first one to guess your opponent’s identity by asking the right questions.
Despite the fact that I am college-educated and have far more years of board-game experience than my young son, he would routinely outwit me. Which is the case in nearly any game we play together.
His domination in Wii MLB Baseball became so crushing that he can no longer find any human opponent willing to suffer the humiliation. It’s a wonder I have a shred of dignity left.
When we play guessing games with our kids in real life, though, everybody’s the loser.
Does this sound familiar? You blow up at your child for an offense that you let them get away with the day before. You respond with irritation and impatience to your child’s innocent request because someone or something put you in a bad mood earlier that day.
Or, here’s my personal favorite: You are ranting at your kids about something when the phone rings and you take a breath long enough to answer and sweetly say, “Hello?”
God began to open my eyes to this destructive, mixed-message behavior quite a while ago. I realized I wanted my kids to see me as genuine, authentic, consistent. How can they know what to model if it’s constantly changing?
I realized I sometimes gave complete strangers more patience and consideration than I gave my own children.
I’ve come a long way since then. But I’m not there yet. How do I know this? Well, my pastor’s wife was admiring a photo of my daughter and I together. The conversation went something like this:
Pastor’s Wife: Oh, you two look so sweet. Your mom has such a beautiful smile. You have such a nice mom.
Molly: (Chuckling)… Oh, ho, ho, she’s not always that nice. You should see her at home sometimes!
Leave it to my teenage daughter to keep it real. I’m working on doing the same.
19 Comments
I find that when I am consistent, life is so much easier. I don’t like change as much as my daughter doesn’t. Great reminder to be kindest to the ones closest to us!
That’s a subtle way of thinking about it.
Essays like this are so important to broadening people’s horizons.
It’s about time someone wrote about this.
Haha, shouldn’t you be charging for that kind of knowledge?!
Great article but it didn’t have everything-I didn’t find the kitchen sink!
That’s a slick answer to a challenging question
Well put, sir, well put. I’ll certainly make note of that.
Wow, that’s a really clever way of thinking about it!
That’s a knowing answer to a difficult question
There’s nothing like the relief of finding what you’re looking for.
Kudos to you! I hadn’t thought of that!
You’ve got it in one. Couldn’t have put it better.
The ability to think like that shows you’re an expert
It’s great to find someone so on the ball
You mean I don’t have to pay for expert advice like this anymore?!
AFAICT you’ve covered all the bases with this answer!
Oh, yes. I have to say that I routinely give strangers more patience than my kids. 🙁 One good thing–I know I need to work on these things, and I do. Great, great post! –Lisa
{Melinda} Thank you, Lisa! It’s a continuing process for all of us, isn’t it? We tend to have the least patience with the ones we love the most. It’s a reality of life, but I’m always trying to set a better model for my kids.