A fellow redheaded mommy and I were talking. I have four kids. She has four kids. It’s like a strange little club we have — the how-to-overwhelm-everyone-in-the-grocery-store-when-you-bring-all-your-kids club.
After discussing a particular problem she was having, it hit me.
“You know what? Do you really want to know what I think moms do that makes a big difference in children?”
“Sure!” she said.
“It’s the boring stuff: putting them to sleep in the same bed every night, sharing space with the same people, knowing who is going to greet you in the morning, realizing your milk cup will be filled, that dinner is going to be served, feeling like things don’t change THAT much. I believe that the work we do with our husbands on our marriage is some of the most influential time we spend to improve their lives,” I shared.
This realization comes from observation. I have tried to do some extraordinary things for my kids, but it is always the unexpected, ordinary things they love.
A trip to Disneyworld? Not really. They have much more fun on family holidays with no frills.
High-tech toys? Nope. Homemade cookies trump those every time.
They want US, consistently, regularly, every day no matter what. When we focus on those things, those plain, ordinary needs of children — to be held, loved, nurtured and listened to — the rest seems to sort itself out in the end. We both realized that it isn’t the exotic stuff that ultimately influences them. They are their own personal creators of themselves.
Molding their behavior will be their decision whether they are 1 or 18. The reward they get for doing so is up to us. Natural consequences are always the worst stingers.We have nothing to do with those.
Providing for children the mundane, the positively boring aspects of life, on a regular basis is what really raises children. Consistently living life together as a family gives them stable ground by which roots are planted. They grow up despite everything we do! Think of raising children like gardening … Sunshine, food and care sprinkled with water will produce a beautiful result. I have a brown thumb so I hope that doesn’t come back to haunt me.
Most moms I know — myself included — struggle with hard issues from time to time with each child. When we focus on the fundamentals of mothering, it helps keep peace when problems arise. Sure, there are storms that come through and threaten. If basic needs are met lovingly and “on time,” they learn that life goes on. We choose whether we want to focus on the tragedy of life or the joy.
Every morning I am going to rub their backs to wake them up.
Every night I will give them kisses good night.
When they are hurt, I will have open arms to hold them. I am always willing to fill their cup.
Mothers echo the creative power of God. Every morning He rises the Sun. Every evening He says good night. There will be always be the occasional rainstorm. He will bless our efforts to be predictable, even if we always aren’t. We can try, however to provide those things for our children.
James 1: 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
What do you do with your kids every single day?
How can we build predictability into our childrens’ lives?
When life’s storms brew, how do you maintain some sense of normal?
10 Comments
I need to work on this, for sure. I do try to do extraordinary things with my daughter, and she definitely doesn’t go for it nearly as much as the more predictable stuff. One thing I do every day, unless I’m so sick I literally can’t get out of bed (happens far more often than I’d like), is I tuck her in. We rotate who puts her to bed, but I arrange the blankets just so, and smoosh her into a big hug and kiss before saying Good Night. 🙂
{Kathy} Bedtime circus acts, um I mean routines, always seem to tax us so much at the end of the day. Even hitting the mark 3 out of 7 days a week is a lofty goal. I understand about being sick sometimes; it just sucks. The things I think about when I am lying in bed while my husband tries to do “my job” drive me nuts. That is why we rejoice when we are completely able to do what we want to do when we are well. It makes us grateful.
This is a beautiful post. I am a frneid of Shawni’s family and noticed your comment on her travel post. We are an LDS family with 4 kids (2mos-8yrs) and have just accepted a position in Canberra for the next 3-4 yrs (moving early next year.) Any advice or tips for young families in that area or anything that I might find helpful as I try to transition the little ones smoothly? Thanks so much!
{Kathy} Transitioning little ones during a crazy move is challenging. Do they all have security objects? Teddy Bears, blankets,etc. If not, find one for each. Blankets are my kids’ favorites. Enlist the “help” of these “folks” in preparing for the move and all the emotions that go with it. For example, my son Luke has a stuffed animal named Tippy. Tippy helps Luke express all kinds of feelings he wouldn’t have otherwise.
Love this!! (and the both of you!) I remember this convo well & have passed on the wise words to many other mamas I know! I sometimes feel like my life is such a whirlwind circus act- like all my kids, and even my husband, are in the midst of all these “big acts” and I’m trying not to miss a moment, yet at the same time trying to secure the safety nets & push back the crowds! It’s hard at the end of the day to find the “temperature” gage! Did I do enough? Did I do too much? Should had I said that? Should I have said this? Did all four of them brush their teeth? Did they brush them well? When’s the last time they were at the dentist anyways? Is Dhaely done losing teeth? Glad her head is finally growing into her “big teeth,” I was nervous there for a sec….. LOL! It’s NEVER ENDING!!! I can NOT tell you the times I have heard your reassuring voice echo in my thoughts “….did you hug them? Did they have a bath today? Did you put them to sleep in their own beds…. then you’re doing great!” That THOSE are the things that they look back on and can see how much they were/are loved- those mundane things that we often don’t think even “count” are the same things that give them security, that all those balls I try desperately to keep in the “air” can actually be robbing me of my contement & keep me from ENJOYING the simple blessing of being a mom! Between you & Melinda I have learned so much about what really “counts” in this whole mom thing- and it’s soaking up every second for all it’s worth, letting the majority of the junk roll off, TRUSTING GOD with their future bc it’s not “mine to plan,” and sending the drama to the bedroom! Lol! I am so grateful for this ministry & your friendships & your willingness & sacrifice to take the time to share it all with all us “moms” trying to figure out which way is up!! You guys rock 😉
{Kathy} Good Golly, Miss Molly!! You have been quite the inspiration for us too! I had to chuckle at the “send the drama to the bedroom” comment. That’s a whole other blog post isn’t it?? We are trying to figure out which way is up right there with you, girl. God bless you, my fellow Ginger.
YES YES YES YES… I just posted on Raising a Good Man and spoke about this. It really is the love, kindness and knowing that you are there for them that help raise good children. They really don’t care about how fancy your car is, or the latest toys, or how many restaurants you ate at. That is not what they will remember when they are older or what will put them to sleep at night.
{Kathy} I am so glad it resonated with you. I am going to check out your post. Thanks for commenting!!
So very true. Sometimes the worries and just plain bseunyss of life can cloud your thinking a little. We all need to take a step back and focus on what is important and yes nothing is of greater importance than our children. Great post – thank you. xx
{Kathy} Thank you so much for your comment. For some reason it was in our Spam folder! I really appreciate you visiting us…Focusing on what is important with our children can be difficult to decipher. I hope this helped.